AMY PORTERFIELD: Hey there, Amy Porterfield here. Welcome back to another episode of the Online Marketing Made Easy Podcast. I want you to imagine what you could do if you let go of that one thing that is holding you back, that one thing you don’t want to talk about but it’s very, very present in your life.
Imagine. Can I let you into my imagination? Can I take a second to be very, very honest and talk about something that’s held me back? It’s not going to be easy but I’ve been seeing a shift in the way that people are running their businesses.
I’m seeing that those that are most open and honest with their struggles and journeys are embraced whole heartedly by their fans, followers, and audiences. They are making an amazing impact with their willingness to be honest.
This is me being open about my struggles. I hope you can be open with yours. If you know me then you know I always say I have a love/hate relationship with video. I love it because it’s personal and engaging and it keeps things interesting.
You likely heard me talk about not loving video as well. Here’s the exact words I’ve used, “ Live video makes me nervous, ” or , “ too many opportunities for tech challenges. I’d rather just not do video,” or, “I’m just not comfortable on video.
Maybe, not often, but maybe you’ve heard me whisper between sentences, “I don’t necessarily like the way I look on video.” Oh man, that is such an understatement. If I was being really, really honest, which is why I’m creating this episode today, to be brutally open and honest with you right now, I would say I hate video because I’m embarrassed by my weight.
That’s the real reason. I look at the video s and I cringe with embarrassment. What’s even harder to say aloud is that I feel ashamed by my weight. Wow, just saying that literally hurts my heart.
The issue is so much more than just the weight or how I look. Somewhere along the way, I’m not sure when this happened, I managed to twist things up in my head.
For many years now I’ve tied my self worth to my success. I’ve decided I’m not good enough, or just good in general, or worthy unless things are going great in my business.
Here’s how it looks for me. If something goes wrong or if things get tough in my business no matter how big or small I feel worthless. I feel like a failure. That then leads to self sabotage. For me, self sabotage looks like not taking care of myself, eating through my emotions, not being present, not moving my body at all, all things related to my weight.
Let me tell you a quick story. Once I did a webinar that didn’t go so well. I was feeling terrible. Instead of chalking it up as part of doing business (you can’t win them all) I turned to eating a bunch of cupcakes that had been leftover from Cade’s birthday party.
I just ate my emotions. I didn’t even save any for him and I bet after school he would have loved an extra cupcake from his birthday. But I just ate through my emotions to the point that my stomach hurt. I wanted to physically feel my failure.
I wanted food to numb the pain. So after the self sabotage that often looks just like I explained there the overwhelm and stress takes over.
I hate to admit it but I think I find worthiness in the fact that I’m so busy…the hustle. If I’m working hard (a.k.a. if I’m hustling) then I’m earning my success. I think I need to earn it. I find significance in my work so I just work harder and harder.
I hustle more and more. It’s a vicious cycle and it has contributed to me losing sight of what really matters. It’s not always been like this and I know it won’t always stay like this either.
Throughout 2013 I found a way to work less and make more. It was life changing. I was happier and I was healthier so I know this cycle is not necessary but somehow I’ve slipped right back into it.
I’m sharing this all with you and I know this is a very different podcast than I’ve ever done before. Believe me I feel like I’m shaking inside even talking about this stuff now but I’m sharing it with you for two reasons.
I’ve had an overwhelming feeling that I wanted to let you in and openly share my struggle with my weight and worthiness and self acceptance. Selfishly my hope is that by being open and honest with you here I can slowly melt away the shame and embarrassment.
I just want to say it out loud and I want to say it to people that know me and trust me and I feel you are here for the right reasons. I want to be healthier and happier and feel more alive in all that I do both professionally and personally.
The second reason is that I know you, too, may be struggling with a challenge of your own. It might look totally different than mine but we each have our own “thing” we’re dealing with. Whatever it is it’s real to you just like my issue is very real to me.
Although I’m not going to give you advice because I, too, am in it at this moment, I will say that being open and honest and sharing what you want to share about whatever it is that you’re struggling with will make you feel more human, less alone, and more alive.
Since I talk a lot about the entrepreneurial journey I believe my journey, and possibly yours too, would be so much more exciting and so much more rich and impactful if we were able to accept ourselves just the way we are no matter what.
Here’s what’s interesting. I don’t tell you all of this so that I can keep myself accountable to lose weight. I’m actually sharing this side of me today because I’m working toward more self acceptance and more self love no matter what weight I’m at.
I want to love this version of myself right now and any other version that comes alone.
So, to wrap this up, yes, I want to lose weight 100% and yes I want my business to continue to be wildly successful. Those things are tied to expectations of myself and I’m learning that I am complete no matter my expectations of myself or others.
I’m learning that non attachment to my expectations is truly my road to freedom and happiness. I’m learning we are inherently whole no matter what and that we are worthy because we exist. That’s all. Because we exit.
That’s a hard, hard lesson for me to learn. Maybe you too. But I believe it to be true. I’ve just got to kind of let it sink in and just be with it for a bit to really feel it in my bones. Maybe this message found its way to you at just the right time.
Maybe it’s time for you, too, to look at how you define worthiness in your life and look at that one challenge or one struggle that you just know is holding you back. Maybe it’s time for you, too, to take a closer look just as I am doing over here.
There you have it. Thank you so much for letting me share. Next week I promise we are going to get back to business with the tips, strategies, and tools you know I so love to talk about. I will see you again soon, bye for now.