AMY PORTERFIELD: Welcome back to another episode of The Online Marketing Made Easy Podcast. I’m your host, Amy Porterfield, and I’m thrilled that you’re tuning in today.
At the time this episode will air we will be days away from moving into the new year. But you might find this episode months after it airs and I want to assure you no matter when you hear it the timing is perfect.
If you’re building a business online this episode is for you. If you know that deep down inside no matter what you’re going to make your online business work, even if you don’t know how you’re going to make that happen, this episode is for you.
If you’ve struggled and struggled to make money in your business and you’re exhausted but you’re still going this episode is for you.
If you can’t figure out why others seem like their business are flourishing online and you still feel stuck or confused then this episode is for you.
If you know in your heart and in your gut you are meant for bigger, more amazing and meaningful things to happen in your world, even if your track record doesn’t quite show it yet, this episode is for you.
My intention is that it finds you, this specific message, just at the right time.
First, a story. I’m taking you back to when I was 11 years old. I was sitting on a bench in a dressing room with horrible fluorescent lighting that was shining down on me while I was sobbing.
I cried and cried and my mom was stroking my back and saying, “It’s okay, baby girl. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”
But it was a big deal. Just moments earlier I was next door in the teeny bopper store with my four best girlfriends and we were picking out matching outfits for a talent show.
We had been practicing all week. We were lip syncing to Madonna’s Material Girl and the last thing we needed were amazing outfits to wow everyone.
Those amazing outfits turned out to be matching white shorts and aqua blue tank tops with glitter. Don’t ask me. I’m not really sure why we thought this was the perfect outfit.
But in the teeny bopper store nothing fit me. I’ve always been a bit bigger, physically speaking. Plus, I was really tall. I had developed faster than my girlfriends and that made things all the more awkward.
Luckily my mom was the designated parent that took us shopping. Thank God. While my friends picked the outfits she realized nothing in the store was going to fit me so she took me next door to the women’s clothing and found something similar to wear.
As I took the tank tops and shorts at the other store into the dressing room I just cried and cried.
Here’s the deal. In that moment I decided I hated being big. The idea of being bigger in this world meant that I had to stand out. I had to be different. I wouldn’t fit in. In that moment, being in the talent show with my best girlfriends, wearing an outfit that was slightly off from theirs was embarrassing and shameful and I hated standing out in that way.
In that moment I decided I never, ever wanted to stand out again.
This was my first experience with the feeling of being big. I equated the word “big” with physical bigness. But somewhere along the way that idea of being big secret snuck its way into everything else in my life.
I started to play small so that I wouldn’t appear big. Since then, and this is the truth of all truths, I’ve set small goals. I’ve planned small dreams. I left things up to luck. This is a big one that’s been my pattern in the past.
I’ve left things up to luck so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. Thank God I’ve been very lucky and very blessed in my life. But that is not the way you’re supposed to live, just to say, “I’m not going to plan anything big because I don’t want to be disappointed.”
Can you relate at all? I did all of that because I was afraid to go big.
What the heck does my emotionally traumatic childhood dressing room story have to do with you? I’m guessing, because I know you well, you too have experienced the gritty reality that in areas of your life, especially in growing your business, you’ve also played small.
Here’s a question for you. Have you ever felt like your dreams were bigger than you are? So big that they felt out of reach? Maybe you want to write a best-selling book or start a talk show or buy your dream house, travel to faraway lands.
Those are good solid dreams that you feel you are light years away from. You think about them and then you put them on the shelf.
Instead of going after them you fiddle with your website. You stress over social media posts. You worry about things that, in the long run, are really not that important. You ask questions like, “How do I get seen and heard when everyone else is doing what I want to do?”
I often say to my students who ask questions like this, “Do you think Oprah asked that question?”
The answer is, “No.” Asking how you get seen and heard in a noisy world is an example of playing small and thinking small.
The reality is that you have likely been afraid to do big things and I get it. You’ve been playing small, my friend. It’s tragic but it’s true.
When I realized it for myself I, too, had this moment of “Holy cow!” This is not the way I want to live.
However, on the flip side, you are showing up. You’re here right now. You’re listening to an online business podcast that promises to help you make a bigger impact in the world. That proves to me you’re in this and you’re not taking your business or your life lightly.
I bet you know deep down in your heart in those secret places that no one sees you are meant to be a big deal. I know you feel it in that deepest place within you. I genuinely know this.
You want to know how I know it? I also think I’m meant to be a big deal. I feel super arrogant saying that on this podcast but it’s true. While I was playing small there was always a little voice that said, “Go bigger. Take the leap.”
I know it was there but I was so afraid. I squashed it down for a very long time. Then I got fed up. Then I decided to go big. I believe you wouldn’t be showing up each and every day of your business and networking and creating your content and working on your digital course and making videos and everything in between if you, too, didn’t want to play a bigger game.
You know this is true. And, it’s time to declare it.
I understand your version of being a big deal might be totally different than mine or anyone else, for that matter. I expect that.
I thought we could do this exercise. I think it’s an important exercise to help you make some crucial decisions about moving forward in a bigger way. But I know you’re likely not going to do this exercise now, right here in this moment, so I’m going to quickly walk you through it so you know what to expect but I want you to promise me you’ll do it in the next 24 hours.
In the next 24 hours from the minute you’re listening to this right now will you promise me you’ll do this exercise? I’m telling you, I did this. I’ve taken some really special students through this. I can’t even believe how different they are showing up right now.
It’s an important exercise that takes about 20-30 minutes. Of course, I put it in a PDF for you because I want you to be able to print it out and just do it when you’re ready. So go to https://www.amyporterfield.com/243download and you can get the PDF. It’s super simple. Then do the exercise.
What I’d love for you to do is to go into your office, bedroom, or get in front of a cozy fire or get out in the sunshine (wherever you are in this world) and set your alarm on your phone for 30 minutes.
I want you to put some really good music on, whatever you love to hear and whatever just lights you up. Put your earbuds in, put on some good music, set your alarm for 30 minutes, and just say, “I’m doing this.”
I’m telling you, this could create huge shifts in your life and your business. It’s at https://www.amyporterfield.com/243download. Grab it and then in the next 24 hours actually do this.
Let me walk you through it.
Step #1 – Declare what it means for you to be a big deal in this world
What does it mean to be a big deal? In your world. In what you’re doing. In how you are showing up. What does it look like to be a big deal?
Let me give you some ideas to spark your creativity. Maybe it looks like you have created a million-dollar business with a really small but talented team. Or, maybe you’re interviewed on the Today Show by Savannah and Hoda (P.S. That’s mine).
Maybe you have created your own talk show on Facebook Live with over 100 thousand views each episode. Or, you have written that best-selling book that you’ve been thinking about forever.
You have a #1 podcast on iTunes. You’ve contributed a huge chunk of your money to your favorite charity. You bought your dream house. You’re traveling to exotic places every single year. You’ve retired your spouse. You’re working just three days a week or you’re speaking all over the world and getting paid $30,000 for each speaking gig and they are paying to fly you first class.
Don’t forget the end part, it’s very important.
These are just a few ideas but I bet you have so many other really good ones. So I want you to sit down. Take about ten minutes. Use this as your first draft. What comes up for you right away? What do you truly want in your life and business? What does it look like for you to play a bigger game and be a big deal in this world?
Step 2 – Write down three habits, beliefs, or thoughts that are keeping you small
I’m going to move you into Step #2. This is in the PDF. I want you to write down three thoughts, beliefs, or habits that are keeping you small. My friend, we’ve all got them.
I ultimately want you to shed these three thoughts, beliefs, or habits that are keeping you small. You can’t shed them until you actually say them out loud and until you declare them.
What are you doing right now that is holding you back from being the big deal you’re meant to be in this world? It might mean you’re sleeping in until 7 a.m. and you know if you would just get up an hour earlier and do your morning rituals you would start off with such a better attitude about the day and that would mean everything else would change.
Maybe it means you are not making time to spend time with family and friends and you know that will fuel you but you’re just working your life away and you’re having no fun whatsoever.
Maybe it’s the thoughts you keep telling yourself, “I’m not good enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not like everybody else so I can’t do this.”
I don’t know what it is but write down three thoughts, beliefs, or habits that you’re doing right now that are keeping you small, that are encouraging you to play a small game. Write them down because once you write them down you are going to then start working on shedding those thoughts, beliefs, or habits. Deal?
After you answer that question there is just one more question you have to answer and this one is fun.
Step #3 – Write down who you need to be to reach your goals
You’ve decided what it looks like for you to play a bigger game in this world. Then you were courageous enough to admit the things that are holding you back from playing a bigger game. Now you’re going to write down who you need to be to actually reach some of those really big, audacious, awesome goals and dreams that you talked about in Step #1.
Who do you need to be? Who is this person? What does she think? How does she feel? How does she show up? How does he carry himself? How does he move through this world? Who is he? Who is she?
You have to talk about who you need to be. For example, you might need to be the kind of person that, when negative thoughts about yourself start flooding your head when you’re working on a new project that’s not going well, you catch it instantly and say, “No! I’m going to change that thought.”
That’s what I’ve had to do this year. That’s the biggest shift I’ve made. When a negative thought comes into my mind, especially about myself because I’m really quick to beat myself up, “Nope! I’m not going there,” and I change the thought.
It’s a practice that does not come natural to me. That hasn’t been who I have been. So I’m stepping into her. So I’m allowing myself to make some mistakes about that. It doesn’t always work but, holy heck, I do it every single day.
Who do you need to be? How does she show up? What does she think? What does she feel? That’s another good thing. What does she feel on a daily basis?
Feelings, you can change your thoughts and you can change your feelings. You get to choose those. Don’t think that you can’t feel confident. Yes, you can. Yes, you can if you allow yourself to say, “I am confident. I’m going to feel ‘this’ way.”
Do not think this is not possible.
Here’s what’s cool. Once you do these three steps in this exercise, again it’s all in the PDF, I’m going to encourage you (remember that I said this because you’re going to do the exercise in the next 24 hours) to come back to this next thing I’m telling you and remember this.
I want you to embrace something I learned from Brooke Castillo on her podcast, The Life Coach School. Brooke talks about the concept of believing hard. That means you actually begin to believe the thoughts that a future you, who already has what you want, would be thinking in order to reach any goal in your life.
I’m going to say that one more time. Listen closely. Believing hard means you actually begin to believe the thoughts that a future you, who already has what you want, would be thinking in order to reach any goal in your life.
I have learned this year that it’s more important to commit to believing something than it is to actually achieve it. Committing to believe it changes how you show up every single day.
See how it all ties together? This concept is tough to embrace. I don’t give you stuff that’s always easy. I’m going to encourage you to listen to Brooke’s episode about believing hard and I’m going to link to it in the show notes because I can tell you what it means but I want you to get it into your body.
Once you start saying what you’re going to shed and how you need to show up, and if you’re setting big goals like me that you are on the Today Show with Savannah and Hoda, you’ve got to believe hard on stuff like that.
At least I know I do because that’s really out of the realm of what’s likely to happen in my world right now. But I’m still believing hard.
I just want you to try that on for size. I’ll link to her episode in the show notes. Listen to it after you do the exercise.
To wrap this up, here’s why this exercise is important. Right now, today, you can reclaim the fact that you are meant to be a big deal in this world. I guarantee you that Oprah believes she’s meant to be a big deal.
My friend, who doesn’t know she’s my friend, Michelle Obama, believes she is a big deal. My favorite writers, Shonda Rhimes, Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert are all big deals. In their own way they all know it and live it out in different ways.
You just need to declare it for yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Imagine if you move forward believing every single day that you are a big deal. You are meant to play a big game and do big things in this world.
Imagine how doors will open and opportunities will present themselves. Imagine the people that will gravitate toward you because everyone loves to be around someone with that kind of energy.
You, my friend, are meant to be a big deal in this world. You are ready. Your time is now. It’s never too late.
Thank you so very much for tuning in. If you’re listening to this when it goes live may the New Year ahead of you be the biggest, most impactful year yet. If you’re listening later, it’s never too late to declare that you are a big deal.
Thanks so much for tuning in. I cannot wait to see you same time, same place next week. Bye for now.