ED MYLETT: “The fact that they were a drunk and an alcoholic at one time—their actual mess that they think is why they're disqualified is the actual thing that qualified them to help my family. And so, so many people listening, ‘Me? Why me? I don't have this or that.’ You'd be surprised that life experience that's just unique to you, combined with your gifts, your experiences, your traits, your heart, uniquely qualifies you in a way that you can't even imagine to change someone else's life, just like whoever this beautiful soul is that helped my dad.”
INTRO: I’m Amy Porterfield, ex-corporate girl turned CEO of a multi-seven-figure business. But it wasn't all that long ago that I lacked the confidence, the budget, and the time to focus on growing my small-but-mighty business. Fast forward past many failed attempts and lessons learned, and you'll see the business I have today, one that changes lives and gives me more freedom than I ever thought possible, one that used to only exist as a daydream. I created the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast to give you simple, actionable, step-by-step strategies to help you do the same. If you're an ambitious entrepreneur, or one in the making, who's looking to create a business that makes an impact and a life you love, you're in the right place, friend. Let's get started.
AMY: If you love Online Marketing Made Easy, you’ve got to check out Entrepreneurs on Fire, hosted by my dear friend John Lee Dumas. He discusses things like how to live tax free as an entrepreneur—uh, yes, please—and shares inspiring stories like how a college sophomore turned twenty dollars, cell phone, and a dream into a cookie company valued at over five hundred million dollars. I mean, you got to love stories like that. He'll leave you with actionable steps and fired up. Be sure to check out Entrepreneurs on Fire wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, there. Welcome back to another episode of the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast. And if this is your first time here, welcome. You'll find that on the show we talk about entrepreneurship, growing and scaling your online business, and step-by-step online-marketing strategies that you can implement right away. I'm all about going before you, learning the hard lessons, perfecting the craft, and then sharing what worked best with you so that you can skip the frustration and heartache and go right to the success.
And while we talk about all those fantastic things, we also talk about mindset and habits that help us grow and expand as an entrepreneur and just as a really good human. And today, that's exactly what we're going to do.
My guest is a very special guy. He's going to serve up a dose of high-quality coaching that will help us build happiness and success simultaneously. His name is Ed Mylett, and he's one of the top business leaders in the world today, a bestselling author, peak-performance expert, a global keynote speaker, and host of The Ed Mylett Show, which is a top-rated business podcast on Apple.
So today we're talking about strategies that will help you move closer and closer to achieving the goals and the dreams that you have. We're also going to talk about removing roadblocks to get to those dreams and habits that you want to possess as a stellar, thriving entrepreneur.
Now, my favorite part of this interview is that Ed is a really step-by-step, tangible, detailed, process-oriented guy, and you're going to see that in everything he teaches. Actually, I say that's my favorite part, but I've already recorded this interview, so sometimes I need to do the intro afterwards just to make sure I'm saying what feels right for the interview. It was just a really special interview. This man has heart. He cares deeply. I didn't know that he had the fierce faith that he has, so that was new to me in this interview, and it was really fun to watch that come about through everything he shared. And in addition to that, he's really humble. And I shared something in this interview that I actually didn't want to admit. And when I did, he's like, “Oh, gosh. I've so been there. I can relate.” And I just forget that it's so nice to hear you're not alone in your insecurities and your challenges. So, I consider Ed a very good friend, and I feel very, very grateful that he came on the show.
I hope you're going to love this episode as much as I did. And let's go ahead and dive in.
Well, hey, there, Ed. Thanks so much for coming on the show.
ED: I'm honored. I'm so grateful you're doing this with me. So thank you. It's going to be a great thirty minutes we're going to spend together.
AMY: Well, I feel grateful, too. I'm a big fan of everything you do. And we were talking before the show. We haven't seen each other forever. The last time was at Rachel Hollis’s event, in the green room, behind the scenes. And do you remember we were talking about I was taking my mom to Paris—
AMY: —and we were talking about taking a parent on a trip, just the two of us, and how both of us were like, “That's such a cool concept”?
ED: Yes. I very much remember it because I wanted to take my dad golfing in Ireland. That's one of the things that was on my mind then.
AMY: That’s right.
ED: And it kind of leads to why I wrote the book is that my dad passed away about a year ago in October, and I didn't get the chance. He just didn't get healthy enough for me to be able to take him. And just candidly, I reflected on that conversation you and I have had, probably more than a hundred times.
ED: Yeah. I've thought about it a lot.
AMY: It's a special thing. And time goes by so quickly, and I think about that with my mom and dad. Who knows how long I have with them? And so those special moments. But what I loved most—it breaks my heart that you didn't get the opportunity—but out of everyone in that room, you and I had this great conversation, and you're like, “That's so important.” And when I went on the trip with my mom, it was more special because you were in my ear, like—
ED: Oh, wow.
AMY: —this is an important time. Like, be present.
ED: Yeah. I’m so—
AMY: So you gave me a gift.
ED: —I'm so glad you did that. And I had a lot of those trips with my dad. Thank God.
AMY: Thank God.
ED: The other thing I remember about that day, I have to tell you, is how much you crushed it that day.
AMY: Ah, thank you.
ED: And I remember you coming back. You're like me. You're like, “How’d I do? Did I do okay? Could I have been better?” I'm like, “No. You slayed it.” But I'm exactly the same way, always like, “What did I do wrong?” You know? I got this—
AMY: Oh, always.
ED: —I'm so hard on myself, and I kind of love that you were, too, because—
AMY: Oh, yeah.
ED: —I think it will help us get better as long as we enjoy doing it.
AMY: It’s so true. It's so true. And I love the feedback, especially when you're around your peers who get on stage all the time. You're like, “Tell me all the things that I could do better.” So I'm all for it. But it was a fun day. I hope we find ourselves in the green room again soon in the future.
ED: I do, too. Very much so. I enjoyed it.
AMY: Me, too.
ED: It’s just too infrequent.
AMY: Good times.
Well, you wrote a book. We're going to talk about it. Congratulations. This is very, very exciting. And we're going to get into the book. But I actually, I want to talk about some of the themes throughout the book and some things that showed up.
AMY: But you talked a little bit about why you wrote the book. But let's just start out with, like, what's it about? You know, why is it important? Why now? Like, what's going on with that?
ED: Well, the premise of the book—it's called The Power of One More—and the premise of the book is that—there's a few premises, but the main one is that you're a lot closer to the life that you want, that you envision, than you think you are. And I think most people think they’re far—most people don't lack vision. There's the scripture everyone quotes, “Where there's no vision, the people will perish.” But I think if you dig deeper, the truth is people do have some kind of a vision. They know how they want to feel. They know how they want to look. They kind of know what stuff they'd like to have or the relationships. The thing is it's a depth-perception issue. They think they're so far away that they have a pattern of behavior that keeps it so far away, and it’s a fallacy. The truth is that you are one relationship, one decision, one meeting, one podcast, one book, one event, one thought, one emotion, potentially away from a completely different life. And I'm the product in my life of many one mores.
One of them—why I wrote the book—my dad died. I was raised by an alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic first fifteen years of my life. And ironically, my dad got sober on 4-20, which is only my dad would get sober on 4-20. But my dad had tried to get sober many times, Amy. And finally, he gave it one more try. I have a chapter in the book on one more try. And I said, “Dad, what's going to be different this time?” He was crying, and he said, “I'm going to lose my family, and you and your sisters deserve a dad you can be proud of. Your mom deserves a husband she could respect.” He goes, “So I’m going to give it one more try.” And then when he got sober, I said, “Daddy, are you going to stay sober forever?” And he goes, “I don't know. I'm going to stay sober for one more day at a time.”
ED: And so these themes of One More is when I've thought about quitting businesses I have, even when my—my wife, as you know, in elementary school and we started dating in high school. When you're together thirty-five years, not every single moment of those thirty-five years is perfect.
ED: And in those moments when we were close to not being together, like dating, I remember saying, “I just want to go one more day. I'm not going to quit this for one more day.” And I've just realized the power of what One More in my life has done.
And then the last thing I’ll say is I just wanted to write a book before—I realized when my dad passed away, I'm next. Hopefully, it's eighty years from now, but it could be eight years from now. It could be eight weeks from now. And I wanted to write a book about everything I've learned about how to be happier and more successful. The only criticism I have of the book—I'm being honest with you—is it's very heavy—
ED: —meaning it's very tactical. It's very detailed, and it’s very broad based.
AMY: Okay. But you’re speaking my language. That’s how I do everything.
ED: I know you do.
AMY: And the people on this show love that. So be as detailed or tactical as you want.
ED: Okay. Yeah. Because it's deep. It's a broad application to everything from how to be a better mother or husband or father to athlete to entrepreneur to emotions that you want in your life. It's got a lot of broad application. So it's deep. But I'm glad it is because, you know what? The older I get, I realize I don't know that much, but what I do know, I know. And so I put it in one book, and it's in there.
AMY: Oh, fantastic. When you were talking about that one more thing, my husband is sober. He was sober before I met him, but it's a big part of his life.
AMY: And so he also subscribes to that way of thinking, like, just one more day.
AMY: And when our son was really little—you know, I used to live in San Diego, so not far from you—and when Cade was about six years old, he played his first Pop Warner flag-football game and cried throughout the entire thing. Like, we were kind of embarrassed. He was a big baby.
AMY: And when he came home, we were like, oh, geez. We thought we'd have an athlete on our hands. And he came home, and he was crying, and he’s like, “Dad, I don’t want to play football anymore.” And Hobie told him, “Just one more day. We'll get up tomorrow. Just do one more day.”
ED: I love that.
AMY: And he played all through high school.
ED: Oh, I love that.
AMY: Yeah. I love that—
ED: I love that.
AMY: —idea of just, just one day at a time, one more day. So it’s powerful.
ED: Yeah. And you know, Amy, too, you said something so profound earlier. If you want to know the power of doing one more, what if I took the opportunity from you to have it?
ED: What would I—you, then, you understand how precious to having one more is. What I wouldn't give for one more trip with my dad.
ED: What I wouldn't give for one more conversation with my dad. I'd give anything. I'd cut off an arm to have one more conversation, one more round of golf with my dad. And so that helped me because my dad had cancer for eight years. And when he first got cancer, Amy, he said, “I'll go through treatment one time,” and ended up being eight years of chemo, radiation, surgery, proton. And I asked him when he kept going through it, I’d say, “Dad, why are you doing this? You know, you said you wouldn’t.” And he goes, “You know, maybe I can get to one more high school football game with my grandson.”
ED: “Maybe I'll make one more wedding.” And so when you can lose it, the power, the impact, the preciousness of having one more, it dawns on you. And then the opportunity every day to do little one mores, one more rep, one more marketing piece, one more phone call. People ask me all the time, “How do you get more self-confidence?” I have a whole chapter in the book on it, and I say, “Listen. You don't always get your goals in life, but you are going to get your standards, eventually.” And the reason I'm in personal development is I needed to learn these things to become a baseline, functioning person. Being a child of an alcoholic drug addict, you don't have a lot of confidence, and I had to learn these things. Then I got addicted to it. I'm like, “Wow. I could build something.” And self-confidence, I've often said, is the process of keeping the promises you make to yourself. It's a reputation you have with yourself, that I keep the promises I make.
And then I thought, “Well, if that gets me confident, what could make me almost superhuman?” And it was doing one more than I promised myself. So if I'm going to tell my daughter I love her today, I'm going to tell her one more time. If I'm going to do thirty minutes on the treadmill, I'm doing thirty-one minutes. If I'm going to make ten phone calls today for business, I'm going to make eleven. And so not only did I start keeping the promises to myself, which I had never done before, I started exceeding it with a standard of one more, and I built a whole brand-new identity and confidence in myself by doing that.
AMY: Oh, I'm absolutely going to try that. I created a goal this year of I'm going to be true to my word. Whatever I say I'm going to do, I'm going to do it. And I love that you said that leads to more self-confidence, because I can see that, for sure.
AMY: But I can add on just a little extra each time—
AMY: —for a new identity. I love that. But some people are listening right now, and a lot of my audience are just getting started in their business. They're doing their first digital-course launch.
AMY: They're launching their first podcast or whatever. And they're struggling. It's taking time. It's taking money, energy. They're not seeing the rewards just yet. And they're like, “Ed, one more podcast interview or one more social-media post or one more call, it's not getting me to where I want to go. Like, I'm really struggling.” What do you say to that?
ED: I have a specific answer, very detailed answer for you—
ED: —because you're right. It's not going to work because you believe that. And the second chapter of the book's called “The Matrix,” and I talk in great detail about the RAS, the reticular activating system, in your brain. It is the filter. It's in your prefrontal cortex. Just stay with me. It's not that heavy.
ED: And it's your matrix. Have you ever seen the movie The Matrix—
ED: —how he slows down to bullet time, and he can slow things down and see things he otherwise couldn't see.
ED: Your RAS already does this. It's the filter of your world that filters into your existence. You see, hear, and feel things that are most important to you. So it's not that you don't need the one more. You're not seeing the decision, you're not seeing the thought, you're not seeing the emotion, you're not getting the meaning that you need, because it's not in your RAS.
And so what I found is that you can program it. I'll prove it to you. I just bought a—I like what Elon Musk is doing lately. And so I bought a Tesla last Thursday.
ED: I'm like, I get me a Tesla Plaid. I buy this car, it comes Friday, and now everywhere I'm driving, Amy, there are Teslas freaking everywhere, Three lanes over, other side of the freeway, going the other way, Tesla. They were always there. Why am I seeing them now? because they’ve been programed in my RAS as important.
So if you can learn—and you can, because I'll teach you in the book—how to make the Teslas of your life, those meetings, those relationships, those decisions, those thoughts, those emotions, that's what will shift for you. So you really are one away. They’re around you, trust me. Successful people aren't lucky. They're seeing things and hearing things. You know this, Amy. When you started to really get it cooking, all of a sudden, stuff starts to appear. You're like, it was always there.
ED: You ever been on an airplane, and you can hear a conversation you probably shouldn't be listening to, like, three rows back? You're like—
AMY: Oh, yeah.
ED: —that's your RAS. It's become important to you. You can hear it auditory over the other noise. And so it's how your mind works. Everyone wants know what's the secret? What's the matrix? The matrix is your RAS. And if you can program the RAS with proper visualization, the ones I teach, you will begin to have your Teslas be the things that are requisite to making your dream happen. So it is not hokey. It's scientific. It's a fact.
I'm one of these very weird people that I'm—I wrote a chapter on faith in the book. I'm extremely faith based. I'm bold about my faith. Yet at the same time, I'm very scientific. I believe in energy. I believe in the quantum field. I believe you and the RAS, the power of neuroplasticity in your brain. So I just teach you how to do it in the book.
So you really are one away. You're just missing them because your RAS isn't looking for them.
AMY: Okay, that's fantastic. So that’s chapter two.
AMY: Like, I can get that in chapter two.
AMY: Okay, great. I love that we can get right down to the details.
AMY: So, let me back up just a little bit. Why do you think that people feel so overwhelmed all the time when they set out to achieve their goals? Like, it becomes this thing that's no longer fun and super overwhelming to them. What do you think they've got wrong there?
ED: I think what they've got wrong—and I, again, I won't go back to the book all the time. It’s just, like, you're asking stuff that's in the book, which I love, and that is this: when you feel overwhelmed, what's happening is the results you're trying to process are higher than your identity level.
AMY: Yes. Okay, tell me more.
ED: Yeah. The emotion of overwhelm or fear, anxiety, lack, imposter syndrome, they show up in all different ways, and it can be overwhelm, also, is the fact that you're attempting to do something that is—look. Your identity is the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs you hold to be most true about you. It is like a thermostat sitting on the wall of your life. It sets the temperature. So let's just take success, financial success. You're a seventy-five degree-er in your own worth. And now you've got all the tools and the skills you've been learning from Amy, and you're learning how to make this stuff happen. And it just starts—you’re like, “Oh, it's overwhelming.” It's you trying to turn the air conditioner on of your life and cooling it back down to what you believe you deserve. You're not overwhelmed.
ED: You're creating that emotion because you're starting to exceed your identity. And so there's two parts of success. You've got to learn the tools and tactics of success, and you've got to learn to increase your identity simultaneously because you will never long term exceed your internal identity. You will eventually turn the air conditioner on and cool it right back down to what—it'll seem coincidental, too. My car broke down. This account fell through. I had to loan someone some money. It's not coincidental. It's the air conditioner of your unconscious mind cooling your life back down. We've all done this. You ever have a girlfriend—I have a great friend who does this all the time. He's like, “Man, I'm in love. I found my dream woman.” Internally, this dude only allows himself to have seventy-five degrees of bliss in his life.
ED: And so a year later, you're like, “Where is she?” “Ah, I didn't work out, brother. We just were growing apart.”
AMY: Sabotaged it.
ED: He cooled it back down. I have another friend who's always trying to get in shape. I love him dearly, right? I love him. He'll always lose the twenty pounds. You come back a year later, he's turned the air conditioner on, the twenty pounds are back on again because he didn't have the identity of a fit person. So he did all the mechanical things—the nutrition, the working out—for a while, and then the air conditioner kicks on again. Everyone listening to this is nodding right now, going, “Oh my gosh. That’s exactly what I do.”
AMY: Oh, absolutely.
AMY: I got to tell you something I did.
AMY: So in 2020, before COVID hit, I signed up for—you know Jesse Itzler’s climb, it’s 29029?
AMY: And if you climb this mountain—
AMY: —like, thirteen times, you climb Everest?
AMY: So I signed my husband, Hobie, and I up for this. And I'm not really good at physical stuff like that. Always battled my weight, always felt insecure in that area, and I thought, “This is something I'm going to overcome. I’m going to show myself what my body can do.”
AMY: So, COVID hit, and they’re like, “Okay, it’s been canceled. You can either get your money back, or you can transfer it to when we open it up again.” And I was so freaked out that I couldn’t do this, instantly, I was like, “Just give us our money back.” This is a great out. Turn that air conditioner all the way up. Took all my money back.
ED: Oh my gosh.
AMY: And then my friend, when it opened up again, my friend and his wife did it, and it was life changing. And Rachel Hollis was the first one who told me, “You've got to do this.”
ED: She told me, too. I know exactly what you’re talking about. Yes.
AMY: Right? That's right.
AMY: And so I canceled, got out of it. He did it with his wife, had a life-changing experience. And I thought, “Amy, come on. I want mind over matter. I want to show what I can do to myself.” So we signed up again, and it's this September.
AMY: I'm freaking doing this.
AMY: But my biggest question—I think other people can get value out of this—my identity is not there. So you keep talking about changing your identity. How the heck do you do that? because I could be this close to just canceling that baby again.
ED: So I talk about in the book a trilogy of identity. And I’ll just give you three things.
AMY: A trilogy of identity. Okay.
ED: Three things. One, if you have faith, carry it with you into any endeavor you're afraid of.
AMY: And I do. Okay.
ED: It's amazing to me how often people of faith, whatever your faith is, like, you have it on Sunday or you have it at your mosque or your synagogue or, in my case, my church. But then when you walk into a business meeting, you’re alone. When you walk in to do that event, you're alone. And I don't do that anymore. I bring my Lord with me everywhere I go, and man, does that give me a tremendous amount of confidence.
ED: The second thing is I focus on my intention. When I was a young man, I met Wayne Dyer, who's an icon of this space. And I met him, and he told me, “Ed, you're going to change the world,” which I'm sure he said to a lot of people, but to me, I was the only person he ever said it to.
ED: And I said, “Why, Dr. Dyer? Tell me why.” And he was writing a book called The Power of Intention at that time. He said, “Not only are you a talented man, but you really intend to serve people. You have a really good heart.” And he said, “Ed, never link your confidence to your ability to do something, because you'll be chasing that all your life. It's a tail you'll never catch. Link your confidence to your intentions, Ed, and you're going to find a way that when you get into a space,”—and I've learned this, too, Amy—“you have a new thought. It literally creates a space that didn't exist in your life before the thought. And if you get into that space, you're more resourceful, more resilient than you think you are, and you will furnish that space with the requisite things in order to make it happen.”
So the second one is I always focus—like today, I'm confident today. I have some insecurities, but I'm confident, not in my ability to deliver, but in my intention to deliver. And because I intend to serve, it brings me a peace and a comfort, along with my faith, that it’s going to be okay.
And then the third thing for me is association. It's getting around people that live at a higher thermostat setting in that particular area. I have multiple boards of directors. Tonight I'm going to dinner with a group of men who live in their faith life at a higher temperature than I do. And through proximity—they're at a hundred and fifty, and let's say I'm at a hundred—they heat me up where they are through proximity. I've had financial groups. I've had faith groups. I've had my fitness group I work out with.
So the trilogy is faith, intention, and association. And that trilogy will change your identity.
And then the last thing is this. Remember this: God doesn't always call qualified people; He qualifies called people. And so you will become qualified. My life changed when I worked in an orphanage as a young man. I didn't have kids. I'm not a psychologist. I had no business being there. Guess what? The fact that I grew up in a dysfunctional family made me connect with them in a way that I never could have.
I got to share something with you really personal that just happened to me yesterday.
ED: And I'm sorry for being so long winded, but it's on my heart.
AMY: No, please do.
ED: My dad's one decision to get sober completely changed my life and potentially parts of the world because I've reached lots of people, and I would never be here with you had my dad kept drinking. It occurred to me this week with Jamie Kern Lima, our dear friend.
ED: We were talking. She interviewed me for my show, and I said, “Jamie, you know what I just realized? Somebody helped my dad. And I don't know who they are, because it was an anonymous program. That person changed the world, changed my world.”
AMY: That’s deep.
ED: And here’s what’s ironic. You know what qualified that person to help my dad? Their mess. The fact that they were a drunk and an alcoholic at one time—their actual mess that they think is why they're disqualified is the actual thing that qualified them to help my family. And so, so many people listening, “Me? Why me? I don't have this or that.” You'd be surprised that life experience that's just unique to you, combined with your gifts, your experiences, your traits, your heart, uniquely qualifies you in a way that you can't even imagine to change someone else's life, just like whoever this beautiful soul is that helped my dad. It just occurred to me—fifty-one years old—my gosh, someone helped my dad.
AMY: That is profound.
AMY: And there's someone listening right now that needed to hear that. Let your mess be your message—
AMY: —is something one of my good friends, Jen Gottlieb, says all the time. That is exactly what that person did for your dad.
ED: Correct. And had they not had the mess, they could have never helped him. And had I not had my family mess, I couldn't have helped the boys at the orphanage.
ED: We keep thinking that it's all these things we have to possess as talents. And the truth is, you do need to learn the skills of success. You have to have that. But that's not what makes you special. What makes you special is your gifts, your experience, and oftentimes, as you've said, your mess.
AMY: Your mess, yes.
ED: It's what prepared you.
AMY: It's so true. I hope someone really needed to hear that today. Like, you know who you are. Your mess is your message, and you've got to share it. Absolutely.
ED: Yes, yes.
AMY: I love that. That's deep and profound and may be my biggest takeaway from this whole thing. So I appreciate you sharing—
ED: Thank you.
AMY: —and it just happened.
I don't know about you, but I often find myself reflecting back and thinking about where my business was just a year ago. And to be honest, growth hasn't looked exactly like I thought it would. Like, last year was a really tough year for me mentally, but I came out of that more clear and ready to take on the world. So that minor setback was actually what I needed.
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I want to go back to something you said. You said the third thing in that trilogy is association, right?
ED: Yep, mm-hmm.
AMY: So I recently had—I hate even admitting this—but I recently had this experience where I was in a group of women, that we were all ballers. Like, we all did big things. We've all had great success.
AMY: And almost the whole time, I felt small. And I thought, “How am I in my forties and still feeling this way, when I've got a track record that proves I'm doing big things, and I'm kicking ass?” But for some reason, as they shared, I kind of shrunk—
AMY: —and I just felt like maybe I didn't belong there or that I wasn't cool enough. I don't know what it was.
AMY: How do you not—I don't want to freakin’ do that anymore, because association—and Tony Robbins always taught me, surround yourself with people doing bigger things than you. And I’ve always subscribed to that. But that moment, I hated it.
ED: I know what you mean.
AMY: What do you do? Why does that happen?
ED: And by the way, I want to—I’m always trying to be really vulnerable. I write out of my own insecurities, and so I have it, too. I had it this morning. I’m blessed—
ED: —that I get to coach—yeah. You know, you know this, but I get to coach some really unbelievable people, some people that are—
AMY: Really big names.
AMY: I won’t drop any names—
AMY: —but in the green room, you told this story, and I was like, “Is he talking about the person?”
AMY: Like, it's cool.
ED: And I actually—that person referred me to another person like him, that's a woman who I had to coach this morning. And it was our first call. And it was before the call, and I looked down at my hands—I'm a grown man, and I've had some decent success in my life—and they were shaking.
ED: And I thought, “You bugger.” And I thought to myself, “What in the world do I have to offer her? Why would she listen? And she's going to figure out, I'm kind of faking this.”
ED: And I had the same exact feeling, and I felt very small. And you know what it took me back to?
ED: Me at six or seven years old, that little shy, insecure boy. He's still there. And so I had to remind myself of what I just said: I have God with me, I have my intention to serve her, and I do have a unique life experience that can bring something to the table.
But there's a little bit more than that. The awareness of it, Amy—and it worked for you—the awareness of a thought has it lose its power over you. And so when you just become aware, “Oh my gosh, I'm doing it again,” it's almost hilarious, right? The pattern only continues when you're unaware of it. I’m aware now when this happens to me.
ED: And I actually consciously choose—I have a chapter in the book called “One More Emotion.” We all have an emotional home. They’re the three or four emotions we're going to get in a given week no matter what. Doesn't matter what the circumst—it could be fear, anxiety, worry, lack—
AMY: Oh, yeah.
ED: —depression. Or it could be joy, ecstasy, passion, whatever, right?
For me, one of my primary emotions, even in my forties, was chaos. And no matter how much I bought and I owned—I bought a house. I bought a jet. I paid off my parents’ house. I paid off my mom and dad's house. I've got a big, you know, pretty nice life—I somehow found a way to get chaos. Why? Even though it didn't serve me, it was familiar to me. So I don't let that guy become familiar anymore, so I consciously choose.
And here's what I do. A thought is the process of asking and answering questions to yourself. So when those moments come up for me, and this may sound hokey, but when it came up to me, I said, “What would I have to”—I asked a different question. The question changes the meaning of the event. It's not the event; it's the meaning we attach to it. And the meaning is from the question we ask ourselves. Tony talks a little bit about this, but I think the question part's really important. And I ask myself, “What would I need to believe about this call, my engagement with her, that would serve me?” This stupid thing I'm doing it, I got awareness over it. It's losing its power. Now I have to replace it. What would I need to believe? And what I needed to believe was that I was uniquely qualified because of my intention to help her, my experience with this other guy, and I started just to fill myself back up with the fact that I’m not six years old anymore. I’m aware I’m not six years old anymore. And guess what? I started to fill myself up with the right question to ask at that time. So I would say to you, even though they're going to appear again, I think that asking that question.
And then the last little part, it's okay that you have her there still, because that part of you, to some extent, causes you to prepare more. It causes you to have humility. Humility makes you curious. Humility makes you grow. If you just had all this self-confidence with no humility, you wouldn't be fun to be around. You'd probably burn out. So I, a little bit, it's okay that that guy shows up. I just manage him now, being aware of him. I changed the question, and then I said, “What would I need to believe about me?” Well, guess what? I prepare harder than most people because I am a little bit insecure. I try harder, I care harder, I'll stay longer on the call, I'm going to listen more because I want to make sure that I'm as engaged as I can be. And I started to fill myself up with the right answers to the right questions.
AMY: That is so powerful. What do I need to believe? I hope everyone writes that down. I need to use that over and over again.
ED: Yeah, me, too.
AMY: And right when you said it, I flooded my mind with, like, “Oh, I can believe this. I can believe that,” like for my own situation.
AMY: I'm so glad I asked it because I didn't even want to ask it because I didn't want to even admit it.
ED: [unclear 30:31]
AMY: But it happens to all of us, right?
ED: Yes, everyone. And by the way, it happens to that person I’m talking to.
ED: The most successful people that I coach deal with this imposter syndrome.
ED: I'll tell you an interesting story really quickly.
ED: How do I say this the right way? I'll say it the right. President Obama told me a story once. No matter what your political beliefs are, if you like Trump, Obama, I don't care. Whatever, right? Forget the politics part. He said he was, like, in his third day in office, and it was during the financial crisis. This is the President of the United States. And he's in there with Paulson, and they’re trying to figure out the crisis. And he leans back in his chair, and he's, like, just in a thought. And as he leans back, his head catches a picture of Abraham Lincoln on the wall, right, right behind him.
ED: And he goes, “I kind of left my body for a moment. I’m like, what am I doing in the same room Abraham Lincoln was in?”
ED: And he goes, “I kind of floated above myself for a second. I had to get control.” And what he really did was he then asked himself a different question. So if the leader of the free world, right, at any given time, still from time to time goes, “What am I doing here?”
I remember watching President Bush when he took the oath of office. I remember watching him say, “I'm the President.” And it, like, was dawning on him in the moment of the magnitude of what the—because the campaign was over now, right? “I'm the President of the United States.” Right?
So at every level, professional athletes, when I work with them, when they go into slumps, what is it? They lose their confidence. They're trying to find their swagger. And what do I do? I ask different questions. I remind them of when they were at their peak. I go, “What were you doing when you were four for four, three home runs in that game in Phoenix?” “Oh, man, I was this, that.” And I take them back to that moment.
So the top people that you think are the top people, whenever they struggle with the exact same things you do, they've just gotten better at navigating it than you.
AMY: Oh, that's so true. That's so true. I want to be a master of navigating that because you made a great point. You said, “Amy, it's going to show up again.” Like, this isn't going away.
AMY: And I think that the mistake I make is that I think I shouldn't feel that way.
AMY: These thoughts shouldn't be coming in, like, why am I still here? Like, I'm in my forties, and I'm still dealing with that. None of that serves me. So I'd much rather ask, “What do I need to believe?”
ED: What a great point. Yeah, we think we shouldn't have that thought. That's a great—I'm taking that from you. That’s really good.
AMY: Please do because it slows me down every time. Like, now I'm focused on shame of having it versus let's change it.
AMY: Let's tweak this. Let’s make it better.
ED: Yeah. What would I need to believe? Change the question. Change the meaning of the event.
ED: Really good. That's really good.
AMY: Absolutely. This is gold. I knew this interview would be good, but I'm, like, very excited. Like, I'm buzzing over some of your responses, so I appreciate it.
I want to switch gears just a bit and talk about something else that you're a master at. Most people listening, they're very busy, they're go-getters. These are entrepreneurs or people that are making their way into entrepreneurship, and they really struggle with time management. They don’t have enough time. “I have a nine-to-five job, and I’m trying to start this online business.” And you talk about these three steps for changing your habits or your rituals to optimize performance. Can you share a little bit about that? because it’s a big issue with my audience.
ED: Yeah. And it is for everybody. So there's this feeling of, you know, if I'm at work, I should be at home. Or if I'm at home, I should be doing this.
ED: And I'm overwhelmed with time. And so here, I'll give you something that maybe you weren't expecting. I have a whole chapter on managing time in here. And here's the fallacy: people still believe there's twenty-four hours in a day, and that's just hilarious to me because the concept of a twenty-four-hour day was created way back when there was no internet, no technology, no nothing. Yet people still monitor and measure time in twenty-four-hour increments. That's insane!
AMY: I never thought it about that way.
ED: Yeah. So, like, twenty-five years ago, I started running what I call mini days. My days are eight hours long. And by the way—
ED: —I also give myself grace on bad days. I'm a big guy, giving myself grace, which I never used to do.
ED: Grace is huge, right? Like, give yourself a break. You're not going to be perfect all the time. In fact, it's embarrassing sometimes to be on shows and get interviewed because I know how screwed up I still am most of the time, and sometimes I make it sound like I have it all figured out. Having said that, one massive strategy that's changed my life is eight-hour days. So my first day, and sometimes I run them in six-hour increments, too.
ED: So, like, for example, oftentimes my first day is from 6:00 a.m. to noon. And from 6:00 a.m. to noon—you all have these mornings. You’re like, “I got more done this morning than I’ve got done in three days before.”
ED: So from 6:00 a.m. to noon, I get in there, the meetings, the fun, the family, the faith, whatever it might be that I would get in a twenty-four-hour day. Why? Because what used to take hours to research, I can type and get an answer to now. What used to take multiple mailings of people, I can text someone or call them in twelve seconds. There's no shortage of information anywhere in the world, no shortage of an ability to reach people and communicate. And so I run a mini day from 6 a.m. to noon. And then at the end of that day, I reassess, and a little alarm clock goes off, and day two. And from noon to 6:00 p.m. is my third day. Same thing: meetings, calls, text, fun, whatever it might be, fitness. And then at 6:00 p.m. to midnight’s my third day. And I've done this regularly for years. So at the end of a given day, I've got three days when an average human gets one. And some of those days are just three fun days.
Listen to me. The way you calibrate and measure time is everything in this day and age. And most people check their goals once a year on New Year's.
ED: Really high achievers, maybe they'll do it every month. Some people do it every week. Some people do it every day. At the end of the day, they take an inventory at the end of a twenty-four-hour day. What did I get done? What am I grateful for? Who loves me? All that stuff. What if you did that three times a day? What if you started to build this clock that goes off at noon, which, by the way, is kind of psycho, but it does for me. Wherever I am, it’s noon, all right, day two. And I recalibrate the previous day. Sometimes I got to double my efforts. “Wow, I blew the first day. I didn't get anything done that I wanted to get done. Okay, I got to recalibrate.” Most people just lose a day.
ED: And so I'm ending up with over a thousand days a year. I have created life extension by the way I calibrate and measure time.
So this is a huge—I would say it might be in the top three things that has altered how much fun I've had, fitness I've had, productivity I've had, and a total lack of overwhelm because I'm shrinking the measurement of time to six to eight hours, usually six, as opposed to twenty-four, when I waste most of the hours. And that may sound like, ooh, that's a grind. It's not, because a lot of them sometimes—tomorrow's my birthday as we're recording this.
AMY: Oh, happy birthday.
ED: Thank you. I'm not doing squat tomorrow. I'm having—
ED: —three incredible days tomorrow that’re all going to be fun. But I'm going to have three times the fun that I would have had if I just did it in one day.
And so I would say evaluate how you measure time. And what if you could start to get pretty good at this six to noon, noon to six, six to midnight, and start measuring your time that way? Your whole existence will change.
AMY: I think my biggest takeaway from that is this idea that you can recalibrate. So come noon, you look at how that went.
AMY: Did it go great? Do you need to give yourself some grace? Do you need to get your butt in gear?
AMY: But I love the recalibration throughout the day. I think I'd be way more productive and intentional. You mentioned this word a few times—
AMY: —I bet it’s throughout your entire book—this word being intentional.
ED: Yeah. I am. I want to live my life with intention. Listen. What do I like about you? What do I like about most of our mutual friends? I just feel like maybe we take life a little bit more, not seriously, but preciously. Like, we want to live a life that's beautiful.
ED: And if you're in a community like the one you've created here, what a powerful place to be. The question then becomes, like, “How can I even elevate it a little bit more?” And for me it's, like, this is nuts that someone in 1906 measured time the same way someone does in 2022? Are you kidding me? Most of them were riding a horse somewhere with—they didn't even have the ability to make a phone call, never mind the Internet, and you're going to measure time over the same duration they did to be productive? That's just absolutely insane. It is insane that we measure time the same way they did a hundred years ago. That's ridiculous. And so I don't.
AMY: Okay, that concept is wild. I have never heard of anything like that—
AMY: —and I'm loving it, and I think I need to adopt this. I'm going to see tomorrow. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do three different—
ED: You'll see.
AMY: —six-hour segments, and I’ll see.
ED: And, Amy, in about, like, a month, you're going to go, “Oh, it's noon. Let me just reassess where I'm at.”
AMY: I love that.
ED: And it's also, it's a self-care issue, if I could just be honest. I check in with myself about every six hours. “You doing all right, buddy? You doing okay?”
AMY: That’s what I like.
ED: How often do you go through an entire day and never check in with yourself?
AMY: All the time.
AMY: All the time. And then my head hits the pillow, and I'm like, “Oh my gosh. What just happened today?”
AMY: And my mind is racing.
AMY: But if I check in, I can go to bed with more peace.
ED: Yeah. Oh, those are the best days, too, where your pillow hits the head and you go, this sounds like a pun, but, “Man, I maxed out today.”
ED: “I had such a great [unclear 39:05] today. Man, I had a great meditation this morning,” or whatever it might be. “Wow, I was really—that one meeting was incredible.” The likelihood of having those days is far greater if you measure the time differently.
AMY: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Okay. We have covered a lot. You have blown my mind, as I knew you would. But two things before I let you go. Number one, I want you to tell everyone again the name of the book, where they go to check it out, and anything else you want to add. And then I've got this rapid-fire, fun question thing for you.
ED: Okay, cool. The name of the book is The Power of One More. You can get it anywhere books are sold. I also have the website called thepowerofonemore.com, where there's, like, you know, added stuff—surveys and quizzes and tutorials that you can use as well. And you can just get it anywhere you want. And here's what it is: it's different chapters will resonate with you than other ones, but I call it The Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success, and here's why. My two favorite—scripture’s number one. I said this earlier. There's Think and Grow Rich, and there's The Power of One More, for me. And Think and Grow Rich is my favorite non-scripture book. But here's just the truth: you don't just think and get rich. There's things you have to do.
ED: And there's never been a book written that says, “What's the thought? And then what's the congruent action that done together produces the result?” And so I decided to write about the ones I know. There's, like, nineteen of them in there.
AMY: I feel like this is—I know this is going to be dramatic—but this is, like, your life's work. This is—
ED: It is.
AMY: —all the stuff that I've seen you talk about on stage and on other podcasts but, like, in a really deep way in this book.
ED: Thank you. That is what it is.
ED: I appreciate you saying that.
ED: Thank you. Because I'm really insecure about it. I hope it's good, you know?
AMY: It's going to be so good.
ED: I hope so.
AMY: It's going to be so good. And I want everyone to grab it. I will absolutely be grabbing it. But also, I mean, I've gotten to see a little sneak peek, and absolutely beautiful work. Did you do it on audio as well?
ED: Yep. Audio is done.
ED: You can get it on audio and listen to my ridiculously deep voice.
AMY: I love your deep voice. And so—
ED: Oh, thank you.
AMY: —I'm an audio girl, so I can't wait to listen.
ED: I am, too. I'm an audio person myself. Same thing.
AMY: Yeah. You're not an audio girl?
ED: No, I'm—I can be, but I'm just not.
AMY: Yes, you can.
Okay, so we're going to do rapid fire. Are you ready?
AMY: Okay. Number one, who's someone that's inspiring you in this moment, and why?
ED: My sister, Andrea. She's blind. She's a schoolteacher. She's my middle sister. She's diabetic. And she's living her purpose. She lives a very rich life. She makes thirty thousand dollars a year, but she's living richly because she's using her gifts in the service of other people. It’s her kindness. It’s her nurturing ability, her teaching skills. She’s also about four foot ten and a half, so she’s the same height as all of her students. And so she inspires me all the time, my middle sister.
AMY: That is beautiful. Beautiful.
Okay. Can you share a sneak peek, or just like a quick peek, into your morning routine? What does that look like for you?
ED: It's less complicated than it used to be.
ED: My first book was really detailed. I’ve given myself a little bit of grace, and so the biggest part of my morning routine that was the hardest for me to adapt that I'm most grateful I did is I don't touch the phone the first thirty minutes. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life is I do not touch that phone. But my morning routine now consists of some real easy grace time for me. So I wake up, and the first thing I do is hit my knees, and I pray. And I've always prayed on my knees. I just always have. And so I hit my knees in prayer very, very quickly. And then I chug about a half a gallon of water. I kind of over hydrate right away. And then I do a little bit of stretching. And I'd say about every third day, I either meditate on that day or I do do something cold. I still like cold plunges because it awakens me. It's not really for all that's doing a hard thing or any of that. I do do a cold plunge. And then I intermittent fast now, so I don't eat. So I get up and I drink—I do get a cup of coffee on my fast, and I like to just sit outside and have some quiet thought time. And then, I'm really done with my first thirty minutes, and then it's real variable after that.
AMY: That's fantastic. Tell me this: you've known your wife for how many years?
ED: I've known my wife forty-five years.
AMY: And you've been married how many years?
AMY: What is one of your secrets to a successful marriage?
ED: Intimacy. All the generic things you hear of we're best friends, and we trust, and all that's obviously mandatory. But I don't want to live with my best friend only. I want to live with someone I'm intimate with as well. Intimacy can be, obviously, the good stuff, but it can also just be holding hands. It can be giving her a kiss in the morning. It can be—I learned it, by the way, from my in-laws. When I go pick Kristianna up on dates in high school, I would look into the living room. This happened more than a hundred times, Amy. I would look into the living room on, like, a Saturday night at seven o’clock.
ED: And the lights would be down. There'd be no TV on. And I would see Howard and Patricia slow dancing.
AMY: Stop it!
ED: Yeah. More than, like, a hundred times.
ED: And they were intimate. There's a form of intimacy that you have to be very protective of in your marriage, that you don't lose, that you don't stop touching each other. I'm serious. And so, kept that alive.
AMY: I am constantly touching Hobie—
AMY: —and I love that.
AMY: We're very affectionate, and I think that's important.
ED: It is. And I have to, I must say, if we're going to go a little deeper—
ED: —I wasn't raised like that.
AMY: No, really?
ED: Like, they didn’t hug. No one hugged a lot, not a lot of physical touching. And so when I was first with my wife, who’s very affectionate, I was like, “Babe, come on. No.” And now I've learned that, like, it's a critical part of a marriage is to touch one another.
ED: And so that would be a little thing maybe you don’t hear every day.
AMY: Yeah. I love that. You seem like such a teddy bear, so you've definitely changed, then, from those early years, because I see you as a cuddle bug.
ED: I think I—I love to be loved, that's for sure. So I'll take it when I get it.
AMY: For sure.
Okay, last question. No, two more questions. What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
ED: The best piece of advice I've ever received is—well, okay, I was going to give you one from my dad, but I actually have to give you the best one, which is—
ED: —that I rely on God for my answers. And a very dear mentor of mine, who's passed away, that said, “Hey, listen, you know how much you love those children you have?” I said, “I do.” And he goes, “Can you imagine that God loves you even more than that?” And, you know, I think about my children. I love my children unconditionally, meaning if my daughter did anything terrible, I'd help her—you know what I mean?—I'd help her bury the body.
AMY: This is what Hobie says about Cade. Like, “I'm burying the body.”
ED: I’d bury the body.
AMY: I’m like, “Babe, don’t say it.”
ED: I’d bury the body—
AMY: But I get it.
ED: —if I'm just being really honest, right? Like, I love her unconditionally. There's nothing she could do to change how much I love her. And to think that God loves me more than that, and I really connect with that a lot, I have to tell you. I really take a lot of comfort in knowing that, and that was the best piece of advice I've ever been given.
AMY: That's beautiful. Yeah, I love that.
Okay, final question. What are you most looking forward to this year?
ED: I'm most looking forward to this year, my daughter's going to college at Clemson. And so in my personal life, it's taking my daughter away. I’m already getting choked up saying it.
AMY: Oh, yeah.
ED: I feel weird right there. But I’m looking forward to it for her because it's the next chapter of her life. And I think, like, raising children, really, most of the good stuff in life is caught, not taught, and they watch it with us. And I think one of the things I'm most proud of for my wife and I, I live—people would say, “Well, you grew up in a neglected household. You know, your dad was an alcoholic when you were young.” There's lots of forms of child neglect. And one of the insidious ones, Amy, I'll leave everybody with is this: one of the insidious, invisible forms of child neglect is a child raised by a mother or a father who's not in pursuit of their potential and their dreams.
ED: You're installing that in your child. And I mean pursuit. I'm talking about your ultimate emotions as well, not just your physical achievements, but a woman in pursuit of her most bliss, her greatest peace, her most ecstasy. You're neglecting your children when you don't pursue your potential and your dreams. And so I'm most proud that when she goes off to Clemson, of all the mistakes I've made as a dad, and there are more than I would ever want to share on a podcast—
ED: —she did catch from me and my wife two people pursuing their potential and their dreams, and she's got that in her.
AMY: Nothing better than that—
AMY: —that's for sure. What a great way to end it.
Ed, I adore you. I'm so glad we're friends.
ED: So am I.
AMY: And thanks for coming on the show. And congratulations on this beautiful book. The world needs it, and it's going to be amazing. So thank you.
ED: You make me feel good. Your energy’s so beautiful. And my hope is that I see you more because—
AMY: Yes, me, too.
ED: —it makes me feel good when I do. So thank you for having me today.
AMY: Likewise, friend. Take care.
That guy is just so inspiring, right? You got to just love this man. He has such a huge heart. I hope you go grab his book. You will not regret it. My biggest takeaway is his humility. He just shares where his heart is, where his insecurities are, and then shares how he's overcome them over and over again. I love someone who's honest and open about those kinds of things. So this is one of my most favorite interviews, for sure, Especially with a guy, this is one of my most favorite with a gentleman coming on the show because we usually have a lot of women, right?
So what was your favorite part? I would love to hear. Like, if you want to jump on Instagram, remember I'm just @amyporterfield on Instagram. Get into my DMs. Let's have a quick little conversation. I want to hear your biggest takeaway. I can't possibly get to every DM, but I sure do try. So get into my DMs. Let me know your biggest takeaway from this episode and what you loved about it.
All right. Thank you so much for joining me today. I can't wait to share more with you. Remember, same time, same place, next week. I'll see you soon.