Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode:

#655: Why The Level Of Your Self-Worth Determines The Level Of Your Success with Jamie Kern Lima

Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode:#655: Why The Level Of Your Self-Worth Determines The Level Of Your Success with Jamie Kern Lima

AMY PORTERFIELD: “I find it easier to beat myself up, torture myself than to believe in myself. Like, I hate telling you that, but this is my reality. And stay with me. I know this is heavy stuff, and I'm not telling it to you because I want you to feel anything for me. I'm actually, I want to be your guide. I want to help you on your journey. And sometimes I worry that if I share this stuff, the craziness that goes on in my head, that you won't think I'm a great leader to follow. Now, I know that's not true. I genuinely know that you're never going to find a perfect leader. You're never going to find a guide that's done everything right, and their mindset is, like, perfect every minute. So I know that sounds silly, but sometimes that's what I feel, and I wanted to share that with you because probably sometimes you feel that way, right?”  

INTRO: I’m Amy Porterfield, ex-corporate girl turned CEO of a multi-seven-figure business. But it wasn't all that long ago that I lacked the confidence, the budget, and the time to focus on growing my small-but-mighty business. Fast forward past many failed attempts and lessons learned, and you'll see the business I have today, one that changes lives and gives me more freedom than I ever thought possible, one that used to only exist as a daydream. I created the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast to give you simple, actionable, step-by-step strategies to help you do the same. If you're an ambitious entrepreneur, or one in the making, who's looking to create a business that makes an impact and a life you love, you're in the right place, friend. Let's get started. 

AMY: I want to tell you about a podcast that I recently discovered, and it's part of the HubSpot network, and I am loving it. It's called The Shine Online, hosted by Natasha Samuel. And she interviews the brightest entrepreneurs she knows to bring you no-fluff advice—you know how I feel about that—honest discussions about the mental-health and lifestyle aspect of entrepreneurship; and actionable strategies and success stories of those who've mastered the art of shining online. And it's a really conversational podcast, which I love. I personally loved her recent episode. It's titled “New Year, New Strategy: My 2023 Content Predictions,” and she dives into her expert content predictions for the upcoming year. It is good. So you can listen to The Shine Online wherever you get your podcasts. 

Hey, there, friend. Welcome back to Online Marketing Made Easy 

I wanted to check in with you, see how you're doing. Play a little game with me. If you could choose one word that best describes how you are feeling in your business right now, right this minute, what would it be? Can you think what's one word that you would choose? And the thing is, it doesn't have to be super positive and all rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes it's just, like, “I feel stuck,” which if you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed or, like, you just need some help, then I'm glad you're tuning in today. But if it's something like inspired, empowered, ready to go, I mean, high fives all around. I guess I just want to say, no matter what you're feeling, you are validated; you are enough; you're exactly where you are meant to be. Did you hear me? I'm going to repeat it one more time. You are exactly where you are meant to be. That's how the universe works, my friend. So stay there, you've got this, and know that I'm always, always on your side.  

So if I were to tell you how I'm feeling, well, the day that this episode goes live, my book is officially out into the world. This is pub date. So February 21, when this episode goes live, it is pub date. And I'm feeling one million different emotions right now, from excited to thrilled to vulnerable to scared to exhilarated, like, all of it. I'm feeling all the emotions right now, which makes things a little bit tricky, but I'm just going to stay in it. I'm just going to stay in this vibration and just tell myself this is exactly where I’m meant to be.  

So to kick things off for this episode, I want to clue you in on something about myself that I'm honestly a little bit mortified, hesitant to share with you. And here's what it is. I am an absolute pro at self-sabotage and self-doubt. In fact, I almost never quit my nine-to-five job. You know, I've been talking for months now about how I quit my nine-to-five job and became my own boss and what that transition looked like. I almost never did it because I genuinely believed that I was not cut out to be an entrepreneur. This is not just fluff. Like, this is absolutely my true story.  

You can ask my best friend Gigi, who I worked with at Tony Robbins at the time, when I realized I wanted to go out on my own, I literally looked to her—she’s a writer—and I said, “You're a writer. You have something that you could put out into the world, and you could be a freelance writer. You could build a business being a copywriter. You could write books. You're a writer. I have no skill that would translate into entrepreneurship.” I believed that to my core. I just thought I didn't have anything to offer. I thought I would always have a boss, always be stuck in a cubicle, and burning the midnight oil for someone else's bottom line. 

And now that I'm fourteen years into having my own business, I look back on those moments when I doubted myself, and I feel so grateful that I mustered up the courage to take the leap, because it sure wasn’t confidence. I had no plan. It sure wasn't anything like, oh, this is going to work. It was all courage. It was all leap of faith. But I won't lie. Even though I've created a life and a business that most people would consider to be very successful, I still struggle with these feelings.  

So as I mentioned in the beginning, I just released a book, like, today, and publishing a book has been a goal of mine for a long time. And when I landed my book deal, the terms were beyond my wildest dreams. Like, lots and lots of money to write this book, like, beyond anything. Probably twice the goal I had set for myself. And I was speechless. The number came in. I could not believe that something that I have wanted to do for so long, that I journaled about it, manifested it, worked really hard to accomplish it, and it was at my fingertips.  

My publisher, Hay House—shout out to Hay House. I love them—they said, “Amy, we believe in you. We think you're going to do an amazing job. We're going to pay you for it. Here's your book advance. Let's go.” And once I found the words to share the exciting news with my husband, like, “Oh, my gosh, babe. You won't even believe what just happened,” we celebrated for approximately ten minutes, which meant I had a spicy margarita. I cheered to Hobie—Hobie doesn't drink, so he had a soda—we did a little cheers. And then guess what? I proceeded to doubt myself and my capability to write something that people would actually want to read. Ten minutes after I celebrated, I began to think, “Who am I to write a book? I am not a writer.”  

I've said it a million times on this podcast: I don't have a blog because writing doesn't come natural to me. It takes me forever. And for the next two months, as I started to write the book, I kept telling myself that the publisher doesn't really understand who I am. Like, they thought I was really capable of this. And they've lost their mind. Like, they should never have paid me this.  

And I suspect the reason is that I find it easier to torture myself than to believe in myself. Is anyone out there that can relate to that? I find it easier to beat myself up, torture myself than to believe in myself. Like, I hate telling you that, but this is my reality. And stay with me. I know this is heavy stuff, and I'm not telling it to you because I want you to feel anything for me. I'm actually, I want to be your guide. I want to help you on your journey. And sometimes I worry that if I share this stuff, the craziness that goes on in my head, that you won't think I'm a great leader to follow. Now, I know that's not true. I genuinely know that you're never going to find a perfect leader. You're never going to find a guide that's done everything right, and their mindset is, like, perfect every minute. So I know that sounds silly, but sometimes that's what I feel, and I wanted to share that with you because probably sometimes you feel that way, right, where you're putting yourself out there, you're getting coaching clients, people are buying your courses, they're having you lead them, and sometimes you're like, “But if you saw my messy life, if you saw how crazy it is in my head, you would never follow me.” I'm sure you’ve felt that way, at least some of you, right? I wish you could talk back to me so I know you're shaking your head yes, so I don't feel so alone in this very vulnerable conversation I wanted to have with you.  

I'm telling you this because if you are questioning yourself, I want you to know that, (a) you're not alone, and (b) there is a way out of this toxic cycle. The way I got past feeling that I wasn't good enough to write a book, or I wasn't good enough to start a business fourteen years ago, is by getting clear on what I wanted and why I wanted it. Notice I didn't say, “It's a funnel. It's a webinar. It's a strategy. That's all you need.” No. We got to start with the mindset. I had to get clear on what I wanted and why I wanted it.  

Your why is everything when it comes to entrepreneurship. And when I was in this really, really dark place, I had to remember that my why is louder, more powerful than my worries. Did you hear me on that? Your why, when you get clear, it's going to be louder and more powerful than your worries.  

I wanted to write my book, Two Weeks Notice, because I want every woman—and men, you are included. Yes, the book kind of slants more toward women, but, men, you will get just as much out of it—I wanted to help empower you to create a life by your own design through entrepreneurship. The same reasons I wanted to be my own boss. I also wanted to provide you with the tools and resources to create a passion-filled life and business. I want you to say goodbye to the glass ceiling; the depressing cubicles; the nine-to-five job that didn't allow you to go on vacation when you wanted, missed the dance recitals and the dinners with your family, and kept you playing small. I wanted to give you an opportunity to leave that all behind.  

Those are my whys, and they're what fueled me to push through all the negative thoughts during my writing process. And I did. You won't believe this, but I started to really enjoy the writing process once I got going and once I allowed myself to feel the feelings and then choose new thoughts so that I could take action in a different way.  

When it comes to entrepreneurship, owning a business isn't easy, and if you're just getting started, I can guarantee you that you're going to face some tough things in your journey. At some point you might even wonder, am I even good enough to do this? First and foremost, yes, you are good enough. Did you hear me? Yes, you are good enough. You've got to know this and believe it with every ounce of your soul, even though it will take some practice and even though sometimes you won't believe it. I would love it if 51 percent of the time you did, and then 49 percent of the time if you're struggling with it, I get that, meaning you got to believe it just a little bit more than you believe your doubts.  

And second, whenever you get down on yourself, I want you to think about your why. What's driving you? I was having a hard day the other day, and I was in the car with Hobie, and I was crying, but if you know me, I'm kind of an easy crier. And I was telling him how I was really frustrated about how something happened. Like, something happened in my life. It was personal, and I was just frustrated. And he said, “You know, babe, what you did, yeah, you wish you kind of showed up differently. You wish you showed up differently for a friend,” essentially. But he said, “When you start putting other people in front of you, when you start thinking about their needs and how to take care of them and serve them and love them, whether it be your clients or your friends,” he said, “That's when you start to feel really solid in yourself because it's not all about you. Poor me. These are my feelings. This isn't working.” He said, “If you go outward and you start to really show up for other people, it actually fuels your soul. You start to feel different.” And he is so right. And I think that's why my why for this book wasn't about me. My why for starting my business was. I've talked about that a lot. Like, I didn't want to be told what to do, when to do it, or how to do it. I wanted freedom. But everything has morphed over fourteen years and my why for my business, but more importantly, right now, my book is to help other people. And so that was, like, a big shift for me. That’s why my why is so clear and drives me forward when I'm so scared.  

So in the spirit of knowing your why—I felt like this was important that I showed up here, do this Shorty episode, just to talk about your why—I know that you and I like to learn by example, and so I wanted to share some of my students’ stories, how they overcame some really tough challenges, their own insecurities and things that happened in their lives. And what helped them was their why.  

So first up, Dawn Bradley. So Dawn owned her own salon for eighteen years. And as you can imagine, standing on her feet all day, put a huge strain on her body. She became so stressed out physically and emotionally that she ended up in the hospital. Now, she knew she needed to get out from behind the chair and dreamt of teaching other salon owners how to create a successful, profitable business. But here's the thing: Dawn suffered from imposter syndrome her entire life. And charging money for advice that she would normally give out for free made her extremely uncomfortable. Some of you can relate, right? Charging money for advice you used to give out for free made her uncomfortable.  

But one day things changed. She realized her why, and she pushed through all the doubts and fears that she had about starting something new online. Her why was a mix of wanting a different type of life, but also, wanting to help other people working in salons realize that it can be easier, realize that they don't have to sacrifice everything and end up in the hospital to get to where they want to go.  

So she went on to create a digital course, and made twenty-five thousand dollars on her first launch, fifty thousand on her second, fifty-six thousand on her third. I mean, she did really well. Her why was to have the ability to prioritize her physical and mental health. And even though her imposter syndrome tried to take her down, the why was so strong that she persevered. 

Okay, here’s another one. This is from Halima Saleem. Halima is from Somalia, and when she was nine, her parents moved their family to London so she'd have opportunity to get an education. Now, at the time, she'd never been to school and was completely illiterate. So she had to start a whole new life. Imagine being in a totally new place, not knowing the language or anything about the people you were with. Can you imagine how overwhelming that would be? So she learned English as her second language and formed a very special connection to it because of all the opportunities it brought her.  

As an adult, she went on to become an English as a Second Language teacher, teaching twenty-five students at a time in a classroom. But she desperately wanted to be able to reach more people. She wanted to help immigrants in the U.K., like her, learn English along with people like so many of her childhood friends who don't have any opportunity at all. That was her why. And with that, she took my program and started her online course and a membership—so not just courses, but memberships. Today she's living the life that's fueled by her why. 

So Dawn and Halima and all my other students, you are my why. You. It makes me feel like I want to cry. You are why I do what I do. And when I hear those stories of what you've been able to do, I am so proud. I am here on the other side saying, “I knew you could do it. I believed in you before you believed in yourself.”  

I feel emotional because I just, I wanted this so bad for me fourteen years ago when I left my nine-to-five job, but I want it even more for you now. Now that I know how good it can get, I want it for you. If you don't have it yet, believe me, my friend, you are enough, and you are so capable. 

So I hope my story and these stories of my students have inspired you today. And I'm going to leave you with a little challenge. What would happen in your life if for the next thirty days you believed you were enough, just as you are?  

You know, I got to tell you something. I wasn't planning on telling this story, and it's really personal. And quite honestly, I don't know if I've ever told it before or not. When you have over five hundred podcast episodes, you kind of forget what you've done. But I went to a place called Onsite. It’s near Nashville. And it's, like, a seven-day retreat, where you have to hand in your phone and your computer. And it's a healing retreat. It's all about—actually, I didn't know this when I got there—but you have to, like, dial into your inner child. And if you know me, you know that's really not my favorite thing, and it feels super weird. But I did it. And I was in a really depressed state in 2021, and I needed help, and so I went there.  

And they had this exercise—and forgive me if I've already told the story, but some of you haven't heard it, so I want you to hear this—they had this exercise where half of us were put in a circle, sitting on chairs, and the other half was around the circle on the outside. And the people on the outside, they were told to whisper in our ears one by one—so they'd go around the entire circle, whispering the same thing to each of us—and the thing they had to whisper was what they wished they had heard as a child that they didn't hear. What did you need to hear as a child that you just didn't hear? And so basically, the people behind me, all of them were whispering something different in my ear, what they needed to hear. And the goal was we probably needed to hear it as well, right?  

So people would come behind me, and my eyes were closed, and they'd whisper in my ear. And the things I was hearing were beautiful and just so sad sometimes, but nothing kind of, like, hit me. Quite honestly, up until that point, I hadn't even cried at this retreat, and everyone else was crying, so I'm like, “What's wrong with me? I'm a crier. And this is not…” I was just really in my head.  

And then this guy—I don't even know who it was—this man behind me whispered in my ear, “You are enough just the way you are. You are enough just the way you are.” And I broke. Like, I was bawling crying. Almost like, you know the ugly cry that you're embarrassed about? I couldn't stop crying. And it was the thing that as a child, I didn't feel enough. I felt like I was never good enough for my dad. And so when I heard that, I realized that was the thing that I needed.  

So from that point on, I said, “Well, I'm going to tell myself I'm enough. I'm an adult now. Anything that happened with my dad, I just have to forgive and move on at some point, right?” And it's something I work on regularly. But I'm a big girl. I can tell myself I'm enough. So I just thought maybe some of you needed to hear it right now as well.  

You are enough just the way you are. You don't have to become a better person. You don't have to make more money. You don't have to have a successful business. You are enough just because you are. And whenever an opportunity comes your way or when you feel those doubts and fears start to creep in, come back to this. Tell yourself, “I am enough. I can figure this out. I am enough.” Don't you forget it, my friend. And I promise I won't forget it about myself either.  

I hope you loved this Shorty episode. I felt like I was going to start crying the whole way through. That's very rare for these episodes. But it's a big day for me, with my book coming out and me sharing a little bit of behind the scenes of some challenges I had along the way getting it out to you, and I hope you love it. So if you haven't gotten it, maybe it's just the thing you need. Two Weeks Notice. You can buy it wherever you buy books. But more importantly, I hope you know that I believe in you, and I have no doubt in my mind you can do anything you set your mind to.  

All right, my sweet friends. I love you to the moon and back. And I'll see you next time, same time, same place. Bye for now. 

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