Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode:

#489: How To Use Your Intuition To Make Quick And Confident Decisions

Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode:#489: How To Use Your Intuition To Make Quick And Confident Decisions

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BRIT BARRON: “I'll say it like this. I have this vision that I visualize, and I visualize a lake with very still water and all these people happily—myself included—sort of like floating in very, very still and peaceful water. And then I think about some of the things I want, whether it's moving or coming out or starting a business or doing all these things, I imagine it as a giant boulder that drops into that water and shakes everything up. And for a while that stopped me from doing anything because I didn't want to disrupt their lives, until I realized that there were a lot of people in the lake, myself included, who actually wanted to get to the shore and couldn't, who actually wanted to move and didn't have a way to. And so that disruption, what we think is actually going to shake up and ruin people's lives or make them upset, a lot of times allows them to reach out and push to something different. And it's beautiful, right? I don't see it as much of a disruption. And so keeping that in the forefront of mind of saying, if that's who I want to be, I have to do it at all costs. And I think the people around me can choose to grow, and I can choose to evolve. They can choose to stand still. But that's their choice, and I can't carry that with me.”

INTRO: I’m Amy Porterfield, ex-corporate girl turned CEO of a multi-million-dollar business. But it wasn't all that long ago that I lacked the confidence, money, and time to focus on growing my small-but-mighty business. Fast forward past many failed attempts and lessons learned, and you'll see the business I have today, one that changes lives and gives me more freedom than I ever thought possible, one that used to only exist as a daydream. I created the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast to give you simple, actionable, step-by-step strategies to help you do the same. If you're an ambitious entrepreneur, or one in the making, who's looking to create a business that makes an impact and helps you create a life you love, you're in the right place. Let's get started.

AMY PORTERFIELD: Oh, you are in for a treat today because I'm sitting down with my good friend Brit Barron, also known as “Beans,” and her first book was just released. And let me tell you, it was so good. I could not put it down. It's called Worth It: Overcome Your Fears and Embrace the Life You Were Made For. Now, in this book, Beans shares her life experiences, some of which are the fact that she was a megachurch pastor, and then she publicly came out, and what that looked like in her world and what that did to the world she used to know. She also talks about her experiences of being a black woman in America and other everyday experiences to show how she was living fearfully inside of a framework that someone else had created.

And I think many of us can relate to that. Sure, your story might look very different than Beans's story, but let me tell you, you will find yourself in the pages of this book. And I really love the book because Beans so bravely shares her own story of growth, and then she challenges her readers to break out of their own box and step into what they are meant to be. It's powerful. You got to get your hands on this book.

Now, I love this conversation that I got to have with Beans because we really get into it. She shares some practical tips that you can use to start moving forward in the direction of truly living the life you were made for. So I won't make you wait any longer. Let's get to it.

Well, Beans, welcome to the show.

BRIT: I'm so excited to be here. Been waiting for this all my life and all today.

AMY: As you should, let me tell you.

Okay, we're going to have such a good time because we have a lot to cover. And first of all, congratulations on the book. I can't even imagine how much it just feels so good to have it out into the world. How are you feeling?

BRIT: It feels so amazing. The last few weeks have just been like, I want it to be out so bad. I just want to get to that point, and then have it out. People can have it in their hands and read it. And it doesn't feel like—it just felt so conceptual, like it's a book. But now it's out, and people are reading it.

AMY: And it's real. I mean, this is real.

Now, for those who haven't yet read it and don't know a lot about you just yet, tell us a bit about your story and really the motivation behind writing this book, because, as you know, I'm a huge fan of the book. I want all of my readers to listen to it. I feel like there are so many lessons throughout your stories and really what you shared. So, again, just give us a little bit about yourself and the motivation behind the book.

BRIT: Yeah. Well, I've always—I was just telling Sammy, my wife, this the other day. I've wanted to write a book since I was fifteen. I've always said, “I want to write a book,” but I never really knew what I wanted to say or knew what to write about. I probably started and then, like, given up halfway, like tons of books. And so this book is sort of the culmination of going through a season of my life where out of that season I finally felt like, “I think I know what I want to say, and I think I'm ready to say it.” And that's sort of where the book came from.

So a little bit of background. I grew up in church. I grew up in a very visible space. My dad, for a lot of my life, was kind of multi-vocational. He had aerospace engineering and was a pastor and also a professor, so he just kind of does a lot, but was a visible figure so then I became a visible figure and learned how to succeed in that scenario.

And then, I met my wife and realized more about my own sexuality, and then was faced with the decision of, if I choose to go down this route, if I choose to be true to who I am, if I choose to come out, if I choose to embrace this and be with Sammy and love Sammy and get married to Sammy, then it was going to blow up everything else I knew to be true about the world—my community, family, structure, systems, my job. At the time, I was working as a pastor as well.

And so coming out of that season, I felt like, wow, I've had this experience in this specific area, but my motivation for writing this book really came from realizing that that experience was not entirely unique to me and was not entirely unique to those circumstances, because at the core of that experience, what was actually happening was me determining whether or not the things I wanted, the dreams I had, the goals, the person who I wanted to become, whether or not that was worth upsetting people who wanted me to stay the same. And that moment, when I realized that was where the motivation of the book came from of can I tell this story in a way that pushes everyone towards being true to who they are and despite what it might shake up along the way.

AMY: Okay, the “what it might shake up along the way,” I want to talk about that for a second, because my first thought when you were talking about writing this book and what it might do to, let's say, other people or the relationships you had, were you scared of hurting feelings or telling stories that kind of put other people maybe not in the best light? How do you work through something like that when you write such a personal book?

BRIT: That's tough. I was scared about that. And I still am, a little bit. I

AMY: I love the honesty around that.

BRIT: Yeah. And at the end of the day, I also know that this is true. So we have three friends that we asked to be in our wedding, that we asked to stand with us to be bridesmaids. And they all said no. And they said no. These are some of our closest friends in the world, right? And for them to say, like, “It's too risky for the church I'm a part of,” or “My family wouldn't agree, so I can’t,” or “I don't know if I believe that this is right,” really shook us to our core. Writing about that still makes me—I don't know, right? Part of me feels bad. But then the other part of me is like, but that actually happened. And so if I have to face the reckoning of dealing with your decisions, then you most certainly have to as well, right?

AMY: Okay, I love that. Yes.

BRIT: It's not fiction, right?

AMY: Right.

BRIT: This really happened, so we're all going to deal with it.

AMY: I guess it's just like I'm standing in the truth, and this is the truth, so here I go.

BRIT: Yeah.

AMY: Yeah. I'm glad that you addressed that.

Now, one thing that really stood out in the book was how you talked about evolving and changing, and how that could be such a scary thing. And I think so many of my listeners can relate to this. So in the book you said this: “The reality is that sometimes change can be brutal, and the process of evolving can be painful. But longing for the way things used to be will only keep us in the darkness longer.” Amen to that.

I mean, even that could be—you could put that to so many different things. But even where we are today with what's happening with the Black Lives Matter movement, and I know you're very much involved. You just did a whole anti-racism training for my team, which was six hours of training, which was incredible. So this idea that longing for the way things used to be will only keep us in the darkness longer, what's your story of overcoming the resistance to change, and what lessons do you think we can learn from that?

BRIT: Yeah. Well, I think that's a huge thing. What we don't maybe talk about or realize is that all change is loss. All change is going to have loss tied to it. And so I always laugh when people are like, “I hate change. I'm not a person who likes change.” I'm like, well, none of us—it's loss, right?

AMY: Right.

BRIT: It's also so much gain, but you lose. And I think we get to moments, whenever you arrive at the moment where you're like, “I just don't want things to change,” whenever you feel yourself saying that or sensing that, the reality is that they already have. If you are already longing for the way something used to be, it means you are already in a different place. And so just holding onto that idea that's not even reality anymore is just going to keep you stuck. And in the end, probably incur more loss than you would if you just move and evolve with that change, right?

AMY: Right.

BRIT: Because we have these moments where we're like, “I just don't want things to change,” and at that moment, they already have. When you think about, “I don't want to leave my job. I don't want that to change,” well, that thought has already entered your mind, which means something in you is already shifting, whether it's jobs, relationships, societally. And we're watching this happen right now—Amy, you're completely right—is things have come to a sort of reckoning racially. And people are, “Well, I don't want things to get shaken up.” They're already shaken up. So what are you going to do about it? How are you going to evolve with it? Are you going to be a part of that change or not?

AMY: So good. I've never really looked at it like that, and it's so spot on and so simple, but I didn’t, that there is loss in change. And so I think just accepting that, and when there's loss, though, Beans, there's also some sorrow, mostly, usually.

BRIT: Mm-hmm.

AMY: So there's this thing that you have to mourn or maybe mourn the past, but also keep moving toward the future. I'm assuming, and people need to read your book to really understand this, but there had to have been some part of you that was mourning the past that you had. You were very much tied to the church.

BRIT: Yeah. There was a lot of mourning that, and honestly, at times, still is. And I think that's what people—myself, right? So I'll talk about myself—I don't know if you're an Enneagram fan. Are you an Enneagram fan?

AMY: Yes, I'm a two.

BRIT: Okay. Oh, yeah.

AMY: You're, wait, a seven, right?

BRIT: Yes, I’m a seven, which means I want things to be all happy all the time. And I want a party every day, and I want all my friends to be there, and I just want to be on cloud nine. That's the only problem.

AMY: You really do. You always are having fun.

BRIT: Yeah.

AMY: That's the best part about being around you. Yeah, I get it.

BRIT: I know. But imagine when I’m not. It's very sad.

AMY: Yes, that would be.

BRIT: So I had this idea, this false idea, probably for so much of my life, that an experience could land fully into one of those buckets—either an experience was fully happy, fully sad, fully good, fully bad. I had that, “Oh, I'm having a good experience,” or “I'm having a good time,” or “I feel joy,” or “I'm having a bad time. I'm sad. I feel sadness.”

And growing up and evolving and choosing to dig more into what life really is, nothing falls neatly into any of those boxes. It all is connected. And so the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life, I'd say, was meeting my wife and being able to start this life with her. And with that came so much sadness and pain. And so it was like this beautiful connection of both/and. And when we try to fit our life experiences neatly into one of those, we miss so much of the richness, right?

AMY: Yes.

BRIT: Even sad experiences that you have. I talk about this all the time. My grandma passed away, and I'm filled with so much sorrow and gratitude. I was feeling these happy things and these sad things, and realizing, “Oh, my gosh, I think that's what life is.” It's both/and all the time.

AMY: Yep. I mean, we genuinely can have these two feelings at once, and I also think that it's important that we don't push one of them away in order to have the other. So I love that you say we could have these two at the same time. I think we need to have all of the feelings. We need to feel all the feels in order to—

BRIT: There are so many [unclear 14:34].

AMY: Right? It's just human nature.

Now, in your book you talk about having a vision for our life and keeping that vision top of mind. So I'm curious. On this show, we do a lot of step by step, and we get really practical. So I'm wondering what practices you can help us with to keep our vision for our life top of mind, even when we're fearful of the changes we’ll have to go through to attain that vision and future.

And before you answer the question, I want to point out that in the book, when you hear Beans’s story and when she really walks you through this, you're going to get more clarity on what you want your life to be, your vision for your life. And I think that's one of the blessings of this book, because I don't think many of us are very clear on that.

So, again, what practices can we do to keep that vision top of mind, even when we're fearful, even when there's a lot of change?

BRIT: Okay. So, I write about this in the book, but the fundamental question that finally pushed me towards where I wanted to be was this, and it was, is my life a reflection of who I want to be or a reaction to people I don't want to upset?

AMY: Ooh. That's big.

BRIT: Yes. Is my life a reflection of who I want to be or a reaction to people I don't want to upset? And when I sat with that honestly, a lot of it was a reaction to people that I didn't want to upset. And so I had been on this journey of doing just that, where—so when I'm alone, when I have my moments of solitude, wherever I can find them, in the mornings or before I go to bed, trying to get very clear and asking myself, what is stopping me from going after the things that I want? Because at the end of the day, I don't think most of us struggle with the vision we have for our lives. I think we struggle with how many things it would disrupt to get to that vision, and that's what stops us.

AMY: Yes.

BRIT: I think we can easily, “Oh, I want this kind of business. I want this kind of relationship. I want my family to experience this. I want these things,” and then it's like but, but, but, but, but. And that's what stops us. So the vision is usually clear; it's whether or not you are willing to go through the things that it would disrupt to get to that vision. And I have to remind myself of what it felt like when I gave up that vision to appease people who, one, never asked me to. This was my assumption. They didn't ask me to.

And, two, who I think—I’ll say it like this. I have this vision that I visualize, and I visualize a lake with very still water and all these people happily—myself included—sort of like floating in very, very still and peaceful water. And then I think about some of the things I want, whether it's moving or coming out or starting a business or doing all these things, I imagine it as a giant boulder that drops into that water and shakes everything up. And for a while that stopped me from doing anything because I didn't want to disrupt their lives, until I realized that there were a lot of people in the lake, myself included, who actually wanted to get to the shore and couldn't, who actually wanted to move and didn't have a way to. And so that disruption, what we think is actually going to shake up and ruin people's lives or make them upset, a lot of times allows them to reach out and push to something different. And it's beautiful, right? I don't see it as much of a disruption. And so keeping that in the forefront of mind of saying, if that's who I want to be, I have to do it at all costs. And I think the people around me can choose to grow, and I can choose to evolve. They can choose to stand still. But that's their choice, and I can't carry that with me.

AMY: I love that you talked about that, not knowing maybe people needed the waves or the friction that was caused in order for them to move as well. And at the same time, we can't own that. It's theirs and this is ours kind of thing, our own experiences.

But I was thinking about when I decided to get out of my partnership, and I've talked about it on the podcast a lot. But with that, I was so scared for, like, a full year to even say I wanted to get out of the partnership, because I knew I'd be letting specific people down if I were to do so, including my partner. And although I had never talked to him about it, although I didn't know how he felt about it, I could surmise, and I didn't want to let him down. So for a full year, I sat in that. And we all know what it feels like to want to do something or want to make a decision, but we keep squashing it down. Like, I wouldn’t even let myself think about it, I was so freaked out about it.

BRIT: Mm-hmm.

AMY: Yeah. But it still takes all the energy not to think about it. And so then when I finally did it, and I always talk about the fact that I really do believe it was the best decision of my life, and I thought it was the scariest thing I've ever done. But that one year, I think was really detrimental to me—how I showed up, who I was, my energy was low, I was always fearful because I wouldn't face the fact that I wanted to do something, but I wouldn't do it because I was scared to hurt other people. So I can totally relate to that.

BRIT: Yeah. And I think most of us know what that feels like, right?

AMY: Yep.

BRIT: We know what it feels like to be in a job, a business partnership, a relationship, where the tension is so high inside of you and you know what you want, but you feel so afraid. So you're spending half your energy pushing those thoughts down, the other half trying not to be in the space where you are, and you're not showing up. Like, Sammy and I refer to the years that we were in the closet, we call it the fog—

AMY: Yeah.

BRIT: —because that's just what it felt like. We were just, we were half awake, right.

AMY: It's so true. So, basically, you're saying that we really need to look at if we're—say that one quote you said at the very beginning about, are we worried about people's feelings, or are we actually living our vision kind of thing?

BRIT: Oh, is my life a reflection of who I want to be, or is it a reaction to people I don't want to upset?

AMY: Okay, we got to remember that one. For all my listeners, that one's really powerful.

So speaking of you being really powerful, here's another thing you said in the book. You said, “Don't fall for the lie that the easy thing to do is also the right thing to do.” Now, this one's big because doing hard stuff is incredibly intimidating. And so my question to you, based on your experiences, is, how do you fuel that in your life or your work or your relationships, the fact that it's not easy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it?

BRIT: Yeah, I just had to completely shift my mind to understand that resistance is a good thing.

AMY: Okay. That's a lot to swallow.

BRIT: It is.

AMY: So you’re saying resistance is a good thing.

BRIT: Resistance is a good thing. And here's the thing. We know that physically. For you to say, “What I want to do, Beans, I want to get strong. I want to be physically stronger in 2020. But I am only going to lift weights that are easy for me to pick up.” Right? That’d be a bad idea.

AMY: That just sounds ridiculous.

BRIT: Exactly! But it doesn't translate very well for a lot of us. We do that emotionally, we do that relationally, we do that professionally without even realizing it, that we think, “Oh, I want to scale my business. I want to deepen my relationships. I want to do all these things, but I'm only going to do the things I'm comfortable with.” And it's not going to work. So I had to retrain my brain to think, “Man, I'm experiencing a lot of resistance, and this is very, very hard. I must be on to something.” Right?

AMY: Right. Okay, so that makes sense.

So, then, how do we identify when something is right and when something is wrong? And how can we make sure that we're taking the steps towards building that strength and resiliency because we want to become stronger?

BRIT: So, you just met my dad. And my dad’s—

AMY: Oh, let's not get started. Let's not get started. I’m in love.

BRIT: I know. My dad is literally—he’s just the best person in the entire world.

AMY: Yes.

BRIT: But he used to do this thing that was so annoying.

AMY: What? I can't even imagine. He's perfect.

BRIT: Yeah. He used to not let us say—if he was asking us something about what we thought or felt or wanted, he would not let us say that we didn't know.

AMY: Ooh.

BRIT: He would say, “Why are you doing this, or [unclear 23:22]?” and I would say, “I don't know,” he would say, “Yes, you do.” And it was just an unacceptable answer if we were talking about ourselves. And so I get this question a lot. Like, people know, “Well, how will I know if it's the right kind of hard, or how will I know…?” And you, 100 percent, you do. And we ask ourselves those questions to try to allow ourselves to get out of the work. But you know. If it's the kind of hard where it's like, this is unhealthy, this is abusive, I'm enduring this for no reason, then I think you know, right?

AMY: Right.

BRIT: Even as I said that, some people listening were probably like, yep. But if it's something that's pushing you and growing you and you want to find a way out of it, you know that as well. And so it could be—

AMY: That’s so true.

BRIT: We let ourselves off the hook a little bit too much by saying that we don't really know what we want or what we think or what we need. But if we let ourselves sit, we absolutely do.

AMY: And I always say to my students, we can do hard things. And when I was going through the hardest part of this business, I would tell myself that every single day. So I, 100 percent, stand behind this.

And I really do believe that there's only growth. When it's the right kind of hard, there's only growth that comes from that. So that's why I think your book is so important, because you're such an example of someone who did many hard things to get to where you are today.

And here's what's really cool about this interview. Guys, I know Beans well. We are friends. We go on little, mini girls’ trips together. We have a great time together. And she is incredibly happy. She is very clear on what she wants in her life and who she wants in her life and how she's going to move forward.

And another thing about you, Beans, is you stand in your truth. There's no wishy-washy with you. You don't sugarcoat it, or anything like that. You are who you are. And I think that was a lot of hard work to get there. Would you agree?

BRIT: I would totally agree. That's not worth giving anything up for. And I think we give that up too easily sometimes. We give up—

AMY: What do you mean by that?

BRIT: We give up standing in our truth, we give up being sure of who we are, we give up who we want to be, for you name it, right? Other people's approval or an opportunity or money. And it's truly not worth giving up. Being who you are, being true to that, saying your truth, that's worth everything.

AMY: I mean everything. And I could not agree more.

Tell me this. Why did you name the book Worth It?

BRIT: Yeah, well, so, we were really, really struggling to find a title.

AMY: Were you really?

BRIT: Going [unclear 26:11]

AMY: I never know if she's joking with me or not. That's another thing about Beans.

BRIT: That was an actual—no, we literally were—it’s, like, the publisher was suggesting titles, and I was like, “Do you hate me?” So we were—so I got on a call, and we were with the team and the publisher, and I was like, “Let's just talk about what this book is.” And they’re like, “What are you saying? Are you saying that you can become a person who doesn't have fear? Are you saying that you can move beyond that?” And I said, “No. I think that through your pursuit of evolution and change and transformation and growth and wholeness and healing, through those experiences, you realize that every time you are willing to overcome that fear, willing to press through that hard, willing to go through that resistance, on the other end, you'll realize it was hard, but it was worth it.” And then we are were like, “Worth it.”

AMY: That was it. That was it.

A lot of people listening want to write a book. A lot of my students and a lot of my listeners have thought about writing a book, started, stopped; or in their near future, they want to do this. So talk to me about the writing process.

I have heard nothing but, quite honestly, hard things about writing a book. I don't know many people that are like, “I loved every word I put down, and it was a beautiful process.” But maybe that was your process. This I genuinely don't know. How do you feel about the book-writing process?

BRIT: It's so important. It's very hard. And it brings up—so you have to get clear on what you want to say. But then after that—Rach would tell me this all the time—when you sit down to write a book, you're not sitting down to write a book. You're sitting down to write a shitty first draft.

AMY: She always does say that. She does.

BRIT: She does. And she’s, like, [unclear 28:03].

AMY: And did you take that advice?

BRIT: Eventually, when I realized, yeah, this is going to be bad. Because, you know, there's a part of me that in my head I was like, “Yeah, but maybe mine’ll be good, just the first thing I say, the first draft. Maybe I'll be the 1 percent.” Right?

AMY: Right.

BRIT: Was not the case. And so I had to remind myself of, I'm not writing a finished book. I'm starting a process. And that took off so much pressure from me of, like, I'm just writing.

And never look back. Literally. Never, ever. Until you're done. Don't even think about going back to read something you've written. That will just send you down a spiral. You’ll be like, “I can't spell. I don't know where commas go. This doesn’t make sense. It’s not even important.” So you just don't stop.

And then, you have the opportunity to take something and say, “All right, what can it become from here? What needs tweaking?” And that's where other people come in. You know what I mean? That’s not something you—you write it alone, but then you need people's help, right?—

AMY: Yes.

BRIT: —to catch the blind spots. So it's definitely hard, especially if you're writing about something personal. You're like, “Jeez, I forgot about that. I pushed that down somewhere. Now I have to go and relive it again.”

AMY: Right? That's like crazy stuff that must come up. But thank God you wrote it, because the world needs it. I genuinely mean that. And I want all my listeners to get this book in their hands.

So you got to tell everybody, where can they go to buy the book?

BRIT: So you can literally go anywhere you like to buy books—Barnes & Noble; AnyBooks; Amazon, of course. It will be up on Audible. It is me reading it, so if you are not annoyed yet at the way my voice sounds, that's an option.

AMY: I can't even wait for Audible. So, obviously, I've read the book, but I can't wait for Audible, because I listen to all my books on Audible. So you're going on a walk with Scout and I every single day until that book is done. So by the time—okay, so by the time this episode airs, will the Audible be out as well, or just the book?

BRIT: Yes.

AMY: Okay, cool.

BRIT: Yes. It should all be up and ready to go. Yeah.

AMY: I can’t wait. Okay, so they can go anywhere you buy books. You can buy the book. And I’ll link to a few options in the show notes so that you guys could go grab it, if you want a little help with that. Cool?

BRIT: Amazing.

AMY: Okay, great.

So I actually thought—oh, also, tell them your website because you have lots of great stuff on your website. You have an amazing email newsletter that you are committed to. So on this show, that's a big deal to all of us. You've been working so hard on your email list. It's a great list to get on. So tell people where they can go to check out all of your stuff online.

BRIT: Yes. So you can write me at britbarron.com. On Instagram, @britbarron. And yeah, like Amy said, I send out emails every Friday morning. They've got a joke, a recipe, and some good news. So if you're into that kind of thing, let's be friends.

AMY: So good. So much fun.

Beans, thanks so much for being on the show. I love you dearly, and our friendship means the world to me. So thanks for taking the time.

BRIT: Wow. You're the best.

AMY: I love that girl so much.

Listen, I know that in light of everything that's going on in the world, many of you are taking action to do something that is out of the box and really outside of your comfort level. And I hope you let Beans's words inspire you to take action even when it's hard. Remember that you're growing and you're getting stronger. I've been experiencing this lately myself, and I really do look at Beans as a voice of inspiration. She's someone I call on a lot.

And before I let you go, I want to tell you a quick story, one that I'm not necessarily proud of, but it says so much about Beans. So when I was publicly called out on social media for not being diverse and inclusive in my podcast specifically, but also just in my community, of course, when I looked at everything, I knew that I needed to do better. So I was never defensive, and I really did understand why people were saying, “Amy, you need to do better.” But that doesn't mean that I wasn't embarrassed and felt shame. And at the first mention of it, I was confused, like, “Oh, my god, what do I do? What do I say? What if I say the wrong thing?” And the first call I made was Beans.

Now, Beans has taught in the past around anti-racism, and she's done a lot of work in that. And she had kind of gotten away from doing that type of training, but I knew that was in her past. She had done it. And she's a good friend. And so I called her, and I let her know what was happening.

But the reason I said that I wasn't so proud of this is the more I learned about how to navigate these conversations, really, the last thing that I should have done is call my black friend and say, “What do I do?” I now know better. But even just a month or two ago, I didn't—I should say, a few months ago, I didn’t.

And so I called her, and I was upset. And I just was just like, “Holy cow. Here's what I'm thinking I should do. This is what I want to tell my audience about how I can do better. What do you think?” And Beans was so gracious, so incredibly gracious. She didn't judge me. She didn't say, “I can't believe you're calling me to help you with this. You figure it out,” which, I don't know, maybe a tiny part of her felt that way. She never mentioned it. But although I kind of cringe, thinking she was the first call I made, and I put that on her, and I didn't figure it out myself, I also just want to say how gracious and wonderfully supportive she has been of me.

But the thing that came out of that call is that over the next few weeks, Beans actually got more and more involved in what she used to do, which is this anti-racism training. She went on to create a really amazing PDF guide, Racism 101, and then she went on to create a digital course around the same topic. And then she came into my company—I paid her for this—and she did six hours of anti-racism training with my entire business.

So I just wanted to put that out there, because not only does she have this beautiful book Worth It, that I really do hope you jump online and your order it right now, but go check her out on social media, on her website, because the trainings she does on anti-racism are incredible. And her communication style and how she talks about it, it feels real and raw, and it's a really safe place to be honest with your biases and your potential racism and learn from it and grow from it. She creates that environment in her trainings. So I just wanted to say that before I jumped off that—Beans, you know this—but thank you for being my first call, even though I'm not necessarily proud of it. And thank you for your friendship.

All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I have. I'm sending all my love your way. I'll see you same time, same place next week. Bye for now.