Transcript: Behind the Scenes with My Better Half, with Hobie Porterfield

July 4, 2019




Hey, there. Amy Porterfield here. Welcome back to another episode of the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast. Today, I've got a hunky, hunky guest. His name is the Hobie Porterfield.

Hobie, thanks for being on the show.

HOBIE PORTERFIELD: Well, thanks for having me on your show.

AMY: I don't know why he sounds like a cowboy. Every time he starts these with me, he's like a different person. Now, remember, guys, Hobie’s been on the show before. For those of you who are totally new to me, Hobie’s my husband.

HOBIE: I am.

AMY: We probably should say that, right? And he's a crowd favorite, you guys. And he reminds me of this all the time. His episodes have gotten a lot of downloads, so he's like, “Hey, do you need me on the show? Do you need to increase your downloads?” Just admit it, you do.

HOBIE: That’s what I’m here for.

AMY: So he thinks that he's in great demand, so let's just give him a lot of love when you hear this episode, please. And so here's the deal. Hobie’s been on the show before, and if you ever listen to any of those episodes, Hobie fidgets. He can't stay still. And we're in these chairs that make a lot of noise—

HOBIE: Which, that's her chair making the noise.

AMY: Yes, I’m just moving around. So we're going to do the best not to be fidgety. Right, Hobes?

HOBIE: Do the best I can.

AMY: Okay. But it happens. I am so excited to have Hobie back on the show because I like to share this side of my life. I have an amazing husband, and although it's not always unicorns and rainbows in this marriage every day, it is pretty special. And I feel as though I've been able to build this business over ten years partly because I have an amazing support system, Hobie being at the forefront—my biggest cheerleader, my biggest supporter, picking me up when I'm crying on the floor and telling me I could do anything at any time.

HOBIE: Because you can.

AMY: I've been very, very lucky. So, I like to share this side. And I also want to talk to you guys about some of the struggles Hobie and I have had over the last year or so, in terms of my workload and my addiction to working too much, and what we've done to navigate that and how he's had to speak up a little bit and kind of make sure I know what his needs are as well. So we're going to talk about that.

HOBIE: Well, let's be honest and do some good.

AMY: The good, bad, and ugly?


AMY: Good? Okay, great. So you all sent in amazing questions.

HOBIE: A lot of good questions.

AMY: A lot of good questions. We just literally went through them really quickly, and many of them, we were laughing at them. We didn't really get a chance to think about how we're going to answer them, so they're all going to be off-the-cuff, but we went through them really quickly. My team put them together.

So, you all asked questions, Jill and Angie put them together in a Google Doc for me, and they put them in the order that they want me to ask them. And I'm cracking up with the first question. I don't know if this was Jill or Angie, but you two sneaky snakes, because you know I do not like this question, but we're going to get right to it.

So Andrea says, “How do you split up the housework since you are both working professionals?”

HOBIE: Such a great question. Amy, how do you answer that question?

AMY: He's such a little brat, you guys. So the truth is, Hobie does more of the housework, and he likes to remind me of that over and over again. This is the thing that I think is funny between men and women that's very different. This is going to sound sexist to some. I really genuinely in my core mean this. I feel that when women do, let's say, the laundry, and we do loads of laundry. Now, for the record, I know what you're thinking—

HOBIE: When other women do loads of laundry.

AMY: Amy Porterfield tends not to do a lot of laundry. We'll talk about that in a second. But when women do the laundry, they do the laundry, and they do the work, and they put it away in the drawers, and you'll never hear from it again. But in my world, when Hobie Porterfield does the laundry, “Look what I have done. Look at all the laundry I have folded.” Do you agree? You like to show me what you've done.

HOBIE: Mm, sometimes. Not all the time.

AMY: Sometimes.

HOBIE: But sometimes I feel like you need to say, “Hey, I see that you’re doing all that.”

AMY: Right. And that's really sweet. So I've gotten really good, or better, at acknowledging, like, “Wow. You do a lot around the house.”

So, Hobie’s a firefighter, and in San Diego, the firefighter schedule is twenty-four on, twenty-four off. And then, he'll go into a shift where he gets six full days off. Now, that might sound super cushy, but he's also saving lives, putting fires out, and doing amazing things, because he's hunky like that. And so he's got a high-pressure job.

So when he's home, he doesn't come home and nap—a lot of people ask that. When Hobie gets home from work, does he have to take a nap? Never. So he stays up throughout the whole day, and he does a lot around the house. So he does all the dishes and the laundry and a lot of stuff out in the yard, and anything that we really need done, he's on it. And when he's doing that, I'm working. But how do you feel about the fact that I really don't do a lot around the house?

HOBIE: Yeah, but the way your job is, you've got a lot of stuff going on during the day. And for me, I'm coming off of twenty-four hours, and I like the solitude of the house. So it makes it a little bit easier for me to be able to just do stuff that needs done around here, especially when I know you're working like crazy upstairs while I'm doing it.

AMY: Right. And you like to be home, and you’re very house proud. You like to make sure our house looks great. For the record, publicly to all, thank you for all you do around the house. Thanks for all those loads of laundry.

HOBIE: Look! And now I don’t have to tell you that I do the laundry.

AMY: Now, we do have somebody that comes over and cleans the house once a week, so, just for the record, we definitely have a lot of help, and we're very lucky in that.

Okay. So next question: How do you tell the other person to stop talking about work? And this is a sweet question, but really how it should be worded is: Hobie, how do you tell Amy to stop talking about work all the time? And this is a sweet question because Andrea says I go on and on, and my poor hubby has to listen for hours and hours about my new business. This is a real thing.

HOBIE: It’s real. I think it’s real. It’s funny because I think that it gives us a connection into your world, like gives me a connection into your world as your husband. So for me, I don't mind listening to it. I like to hear what's going on, I like to hear what you're up to, so for me, I like it. I don't think it's something that we need to worry about. If you were and it was nonstop and I felt like it was nonstop, I would say, “Hey, let's have a break from work.”

AMY: Yeah. He definitely would. Here's a little suggestion that I wanted to share, and I've learned this from my relationship with Hobie over the ten years of building this business and being married to him. So we've been together twelve years, been married ten years, and one of the things is that I will share my work with him, and then over the years, he's gotten more vocal about being a sounding board. He's gotten more vocal about sharing his insight or thoughts, and he'll say, “Look, remember when you told me this, but then remember what happened? So I don't think you need to worry about this or that.” So he started to be more of someone that was sharing insight into my business, and I really respected it.

Now I go to him a lot and say, “What do you think I should do about this? I'm having a challenge with this employee, or this launch isn't going as planned, and here's where my fear is.” I share a lot of the emotions and the fears with you, right?

HOBIE: Yeah, I would say.

AMY: Yeah. So if you could respect your husband and really take into account what he's sharing with you, and if he feels as though he's offering value when he does share anything about what you've shared with him, take it and run because—tell me this, and obviously we're here to be honest—do you feel that I value your opinion even though you don't know a lot about online marketing?

HOBIE: I do. I do, but I also think that that took a lot of conversation, too, because it started out with, I wanted to be your husband and fix everything.

AMY: Everything. So you had a lot of fixing opinions.

HOBIE: Yeah. Every time you came to me with something, I thought you want me to fix it. So I would start—and I'll admit it. At times, I would offer insight that I didn't have just because it sounded good and I thought it would help. And then when I started realizing that sometimes you just needed to tell someone outside of your business something, that I didn't need to fix everything, I think it changed. That was a big changing point for us.

AMY: Yeah. I definitely agree. So, I think it goes both ways. Hobie made sure that when he was offering value, there was something behind it.

HOBIE: And that you were asking for it.

AMY: And I was asking for it. And also, he just is a really good listener, and I'm very lucky for that. But Andrea, just for the record, I know sometimes I need to shut my mouth. Sometimes his eyes are glossed over, and he just is like, uh-huh, uh-huh. I’m like, “Okay, so we are moving on.” So, yeah, I get it.

Okay, so here's the next question: How do you navigate—this is from Krystal. Shout out to Krystal. She's one of my B-School Bonus members. How do you navigate goals for your business and your family? Is this something you sit down and plan each year together, things like vacations or personal goals or plans to invest?

HOBIE: And now, see, I think that's a great question, because 110 percent, we sit down multiple times throughout the year and literally schedule everything. So I know everything that's going on with her business plan, when launches are, pre-launches, launches, post-launches, everything, so that I know the high-stress times for her. And then we plan at least two family vacations, and then we always try to do least two vacations together. But they're planned out. My schedule’s a lot easier than Amy's to where I can tell you in ten years what days I'm working. All I got to do is look at the calendar. It never changes. So as long as we sit down, figure the days out, we can schedule it together, which is pretty cool. I think it's cool.

AMY: It is. Okay, so, let's first talk vacation. So like Hobie said, we try to do two vacations with Cade, and Cade’s seventeen now, so it's not as easy. Next year, we have a trip planned to Kenya, where we're going to do some charity work and build some schools with Village Impact, Stu McLaren's business with his wife Amy. I shouldn't say business charity. So we're bringing Cade on that. So we've already started to plan that big trip. We feel like it's our last big trip with Cade before he goes to college; he's a junior. So we sit down and we look way in advance for trips with Cade because we have to because he’s so busy. But when it comes to Hobie and I, we always go once a year to Mexico, Cabo. We have a place called the One&Only that we absolutely love. Why do we love it?

HOBIE: It’s the best place in the world. Amy and I aren’t the jump in our bathing suits and go running out at a big public pool with a whole bunch of people, because it's just not our thing. But this place that we go to is insane because we have our own little—you have your little private infinity pool that's just ours, and there's walls all around it, and you're up off the beach, but you're about fifteen feet from where the waves are crashing.

AMY: Yeah. So the walls are not all around you, because you're looking right at the ocean, but you feel secluded. It's a really little pool. We're not talking about something huge, but it is expensive. It's a total splurge when we go here. We just do it once a year. We save for it. We stay a few nights. It's easy because we're in San Diego, so it's easy to get there. But we absolutely love it. Just the two of us. I drink a lot of margaritas, and a lot of chips and guac.

HOBIE: And it's total disconnect.

AMY: Yeah. No, I do not bring my computer. I do not bring anything that would be anything around work. And I love it, and I will tell you any vacation I ever take with my family, it takes me about a good twenty-four hours to be settled in.

HOBIE: But that, the One&Only trip, takes planning because sometimes on the other trips, there’ll be something going on—you have to do an interview, something comes up and you’ve got to kind of go do that while we’re on them. But when we do that one, we plan that so that there is nothing allowed to happen during that time.

AMY: Nothing. Yes, yes. Our next one is in July. We’re very excited for it.

And then, we’ve had this kind of theme lately that every year for the past few years we’ve gone to Blackberry Farm. Michael and Gail Hyatt got us turned on to Blackberry Farm. It's in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee.

HOBIE: Yeah, just outside of Knoxville.

AMY: Hobie loves Tennessee.

HOBIE: I love Tennessee.

AMY: Yeah. He's a country boy. So we love that trip. And we go—and sometimes that has to do with work as well. Like, if the Hyatts invite us, and then I do a little masterminding, but then we—they always—the Hyatts are really good with including family and disconnecting and not talking about work. So Hobie goes on those trips.

Okay. So that leads me to the next question, which is, do you come to conferences with me? Someone wanted to know, when I'm speaking, do you travel with me, or when I'm learning at a new conference, do you come with me? We’re going to get to that question in a second. But one more thing we wanted to talk about is we also do talk a lot about money and investing—

HOBIE: Yeah, budgeting, for sure.

AMY: Budgeting, yes. So, over the last year, we got a new financial planner. We've had a financial planner for years now, something I wish we did many years ago. So if you're new in your business, talking about retirement, saving a little bit every year, getting a financial planner and working with them year after year is the smartest thing you could do. Hobie and I did not do it soon enough, and I wish we did.

HOBIE: But we're still getting on it, though.

AMY: Oh, yeah, for sure.

HOBIE: I mean, I feel like we're pretty organized with it, which we weren’t in the first few years. The first years, it was just chasing the business and trying to get our lives straight.

AMY: And remember the first few years where it was time to pay taxes, and I didn't have the money, because I was like what?

HOBIE: Yeah, using the next year's profits to pay for the taxes of the year before.

AMY: If you’ve been there, it’s normal in the first few years.

HOBIE: Yes. Very much an education.

AMY: Very much. And you get burned the first few years and then you’re like, “Never again.” So, Hobie and I follow Profit First, in terms of multiple bank accounts. And so when I first brought this to Hobie, he looked into our main bank account, and he’s like, “What are all these different accounts you’ve set up?”

HOBIE: We had fourteen accounts, I think, in the first twelve hours.

AMY: Of me saying, “I've got an idea.”

HOBIE: And they're all linked, which made it easy, all on an app. And I think that was when everything for us, budget wise, changed.

AMY: Everything changed. So here's what we do. I think I've talked about this before, so I won't get into all the details, but we have a certain—I’m going to choke. Hold on. I got really excited. We have different checking or savings accounts for, let's say, Cade's college fund, vacation fund, tax savings. So I pay myself every single month, 40 percent of that goes into tax savings. I act as though it’s not mine. I'll never get to spend it. And I use it when I pay estimated taxes every quarter.

HOBIE: Amy has a fun fund. I have a fun fund.

AMY: Yeah. So we get to put a little money into just spending it however we want. We spend it very differently. So if I was going to have fun with my money, I would buy probably a handbag.

HOBIE: Yeah, you would.

AMY: And Hobie would not.

HOBIE: No. I go on Amazon.

AMY: Yeah, he goes on Amazon. Typically, I say the apocalypse is coming. He’s a prepper. You’re a prepper.

HOBIE: Yes, sort of. Yes, I am.

AMY: Okay. He’s a prepper, and if you came to our house, there’s secret things buried in the backyard.

HOBIE: There’s nothing buried. It’s hidden, but it’s not buried.

AMY: Oh, sometimes, you guys—okay, so Hobie’s military in his past, and sometimes he’ll look at me, with a super-serious face, and he's like, “You have no idea. If we were attacked, I'm ready for it.” I’m like, “You’re freaking me out.”

HOBIE: She’s being a little more intense than I—

AMY: No, I’m not, guys.

So, anyway, we spend our money differently, but we have a little fun money, but then we save a lot. And, actually, we've done this for many years, but I wish we made savings a—and everyone says this, right?—I wish we made savings a bigger deal. Even when we weren't making that much money, we still could've saved.

HOBIE: But remember, to me, when we first started figuring out budgeting and we opened all these accounts, when we got a little bit of help with it on how to plan for retirement, then we were able to come up with percentages. And once we got to, you need to save this much for taxes—which I know is the simple stuff—but how much for retirement, how much should we be saving for charitable contributions that we literally wanted to do, not that you could do. And it literally started dividing stuff up, like, what are our total costs? I know these are all simple budget things, but, I mean, when you put it on paper, you're like, “Oh, okay, cool.” Then when I get this amount for a bonus on doing something with your business, we'd be like, “All right. Here's our percentages.” Whatever the amount is, you divide that up. And we already knew what our fixed costs were for mortgage, cars, whatever we had said, and that was a game changer for us.

AMY: It was. And guys, it's taken us years, it took us years to get comfortable with what it all looks like. We have to talk about it all the time. We're both looking at the finances, we're both looking at the numbers, and so because we do these percentages, like 30 percent of everything I make, we want to invest and put toward our retirement. So if we do 40 percent taxes, 30 percent we call wealth savings, then there's some money left over to pay the bills and other things.

Now, here's the greatest thing. I teach you all how to grow your businesses, how to create digital courses, how to make money online. I'll tell you this. Managing your money when you're making a whole lot more of it is a whole lot more fun. So it's something to look forward to that you might be scrapping right now and it might be tough—and we have been there. When you do start making that consistent revenue and if you stick with it—you will—it's a whole different ballgame, and not worrying about money is a pretty beautiful thing. I know that not everyone is there yet, but we've had both. So I'm just telling you you can get to a place that you feel really excited about it.

So moving on. Let's talk about you coming to conferences with me. And we might have talked about this last time you were on the show, but that's okay. We're just going to talk about it again. So the question was: When Amy goes to speak somewhere, or when she goes somewhere to learn at a conference, do you come with her?

HOBIE: Ninety percent of the time, no.

AMY: And let’s talk about why.

HOBIE: Because to me, that’s a work setting. So that would be, to me, it's like going to your work. I'm not familiar with all the things that you're doing. I'm not familiar with the people that you're meeting with. I just don't know all the ins and outs of it. So for me, I worry too much about you, you worry too much about me, and you can't be in the moment, getting everything out of it. So it frees you up to be able to do everything to get out of whatever the event is that you’re going to.

And it’s not my thing. I don't understand what a lot of people are talking about. I feel a little uncomfortable. And then when I don't know people that are big followers, and I love those people, but I don't know them. So when someone comes up to me that I don't know, I'm a smaller group kind of person. So four people, five people max, I'm comfortable in. But when you put a roomful of people that I don't know talking to me like I've known them for years, it's very uncomfortable for me.

AMY: Yeah. And so we just need to know that. And the reason why we know that Hobie doesn't come with me is because he did come with me to a few.

HOBIE: I did, at the beginning.

AMY: And we've gotten in arguments. I'll get snippy like, “What is your problem? Why do you seem like you're weird right now?” And he's like, “I'm not be weird.” And it's just not what we need. And so we know kind of what works for us and what doesn't.

So as you navigate your partnerships or your marriages or whatever it is, your romantic relationships, they don't have to be a part of what you're doing. You have to find your dance together, like Hobie wants to know what's going on. This is very exciting. We just started offering health insurance and 401(k) to our employees. And I wanted Hobie in on that conversation because we're putting a lot of money into those initiatives. So you want to be a part of that, right?

HOBIE: Yeah, for sure.

AMY: But he doesn’t want to be a part of everything, and so we kind of find our groove. And so that’s what I want you to find, yours as well, knowing that it's okay if your spouse doesn't want anything to do with your business. It's not okay if they don't support you. I think it's important that they get on board, and you've got to find your way with that. But they don't have to be in it.

Because there was a woman that was asking—let me read this one because it kind of goes with that. So Shaunay says, “The question I have is whether it's a good idea to include your husband or your partner in your course, like have them deliver some modules or play a more active role. My course is targeting corporate women and is around helping them develop confidence and commercial skills. So, naturally, I've lived that experience, but my husband has coached women in the past, too, and he could bring his own stories. So would you recommend to incorporate his expertise?” So Hobie and I, we skimmed over these questions in advance. And this one we did stop on because we're kind of torn in the sense of I just kind of shared with you all that you don't need to include your spouse in your business and you kind of got to go with your gut. So what would you say to this?

HOBIE: Yeah, that’s interesting, because we’ve seen both. With all of our friends that are couples, some are in it together, some are not; some are successful at it, some are not. Man, that's a tough thing because I don't—as far as being directly involved in your stuff, like, I might be in a video once in a blue moon—

AMY: Or on a podcast.

HOBIE: —or doing a podcast interview like this, but not stepping that far into your business, and for us that works.

AMY: And you don't want to. And Hobie and I would never work well together. The next question is really fun, so we’ll tell you how different we are with this next question.

But here’s one thing I wanted to add. I think that if you're thinking about adding your spouse into your business, ask yourself why you want to do that and if you're doing it for the right reason. So Shaunay, if you're feeling that you don't want to leave him out or he deserves to be a part of your business or he's going to get upset if he's not or anything like that, I believe those are for all the wrong reasons. And as female entrepreneurs, sometimes we make decisions with our heart where we really should be making them with our mind. And men do the same thing, but I think females, I think we do it more.

And so I have a business coach, and she's often telling me, are you making that decision because you feel guilty or you want to be nice or you feel like someone deserves it, or are you making it from a business standpoint? What does the business need? And my business coach has been saying, treat the business as she's an entity; she's her own person. What does the business need, not Amy or a team member or anything like that. And so go from that place and make sure if you do include him, you're doing it for the right reasons and there's no weird emotion, guilt, shame, fear behind it. So as long as you're doing it for the right reason, it feels good to you, by all means, include him, but kind of evaluate that just a little bit.

Okay, so this next one’s really fun. Kelsey says, “If you were to swap roles for a day—Amy as a firewoman and Hobie as an online entrepreneur running a digital-course business—“ he's already laughing— “what would it look like?” All right, Mr. Hobie Porterfield, so—

HOBIE: I would wreck it. I would wreck her business.

AMY: Why do you say that?

HOBIE: There are certain things that people are wired for and certain things that people are not. And I just don't believe I could do what you do. Not only is there no way in heck I could do what you do at the level you do it at, I don't think I could do it what you do.

AMY: Okay, well, it goes both ways, because, guys, if you were to put me in a role as a firefighter, hell no. Like, the physical stuff, I have no desire whatsoever. And I don't like blood or goriness, and Hobie goes on a lot of medical calls. No, thank you. And I would just freak out. And I'm not running into a burning building. I have no desire whatsoever. So, yeah, we're not swapping roles.

HOBIE: Yeah. I don’t think—I can’t even imagine that.

AMY: No, I can’t either. However, if you were in the Internet-marketing world, the thing that you’d be the best at is relationships. You're really good at relationship building. Guys, if we go somewhere, if you want to know where the kids are, they're always hanging on Hobie. If you want to know where the good stories are being told, it's always Hobie. He definitely has a way with people, more so than I do, for sure, so you would kind of rock it in that world.

HOBIE: I don’t know if I’d say “more so.”

AMY: But technology’s not your thing.

HOBIE: Oh no. Absolutely not.

AMY: You guys, I could tell you some stories but I won’t. Like, with the iPhone, we won't even go there.

Okay, so let's do this. I'm going to ask you a question that we've talked about before. So, guys, if you listen to my other episode that Hobie and I did, forgive me. We're going to repeat this one, for sure, but it's come up way too many times, and many of you did not hear the other episode. So, how do you feel, Hobie, about your spouse making more money than you?

HOBIE: Yeah, I think it's something that takes getting used to, but ours, it's different. I feel like it's a little bit different with us just because I've been there since the beginning. I mean, I was there before there was anything. So as you've grown with this, I feel like I've been a part of it. So it's more like anyone that would bring that up to me, like, the first instinct I always have is, man, you should have seen how hard she had to work to get to this point. So for me, it's, I don't know. I don't look at it as what it does to me. I'm still looking at it from that sense of pride as to what I've seen you accomplish.

AMY: So, do you ever feel embarrassment about it or feel like I think I'm the boss because I make the money, or do you think our roles changed? We both come from traditional families of dads and moms and how it's looked in the ‘50s and ‘60s even. So does this feel weird to you, and do you ever feel embarrassed?

HOBIE: No. No, I don't. And I make jokes all the time with guys that I work with about having a sugar momma. And it's more of a joke to me because I don't think they realize how big of a sugar momma that I got. So, the guys are—

AMY: So do you like having a sugar momma?

HOBIE: Yeah, it’s kind of funny.

AMY: You think it’s kind of sexy or what?

HOBIE: Yeah. Heck, yeah. I like it. And I like that fact that it’s helped us develop our relationship more, where we stopped looking at all the things that we're supposed to be like and we're supposed to be doing, because we're just—it's fun. We’re our own thing. I don't look at it like roles. I don't look at it like male/female. It's just kind of fun. Our date nights, we don't look at it like other people look at the date nights, at least the traditional sense. We've got things that we know we like and things that we know we don't like.

AMY: We’re homebodies, through and through.

HOBIE: Yeah. And I think that works for us.

AMY: Yeah. We love a good night where we heat up the spa, we watch Billions—we're totally into Billions—we watch Billions, we go out in the spa, and we just talk and spend time.

Now, I will be honest with you that we don't spend enough time together as much as we'd like to, and this is my fault. So recently, Hobie came to me and said, “I feel like I haven't seen you forever. And even though we're in the same house, it's like two ships passing in the night kind of thing.” And I have been super busy. You all know that I'm on a mission this year, not only to make $10 million in this business but also to do bigger things. I want to launch my membership site in a mastermind. I've got my Digital Course Academy®️, the biggest thing I've ever created. Hobie knows I am on a mission. However, he might have just heard it in his voice, he'll say, “It doesn't matter.”

HOBIE: Yeah. There’s times, I think, where, luckily, we talk about it, and there are times when I can see that you are 100 percent work and all work. And those are the moments that it's taken us, you know, it takes time and it takes a lot of practice with it, but those are moments that you just got to try to talk through.

AMY: Right, for sure. Okay, so, I’m going to switch gears here, and someone wants to know, how do you feel about my weight loss, and is it something you've had to adjust to, and what are some of the good and the bad around my weight-loss journey? And so for some of you who might be new to my podcast, so over the last year, I have lost about 70 pounds, and I've always, always struggled with my weight. When Hobie and I met, I was thinner than the 70 pounds but not that much. I've always been a bigger girl. And so, how do you feel about my journey, because it's so much more than just the weight loss?

HOBIE: Yeah, it’s been—I mean, it's an education because you're kind of changing things. You know, we used to do—and this was more my influence than anything—but we used to do where we’d do binge eating and going and doing just terrible things that weren’t—

AMY: Like snacking on the couch for hours.

HOBIE: —healthy. Just lots of stuff that wasn’t healthy. And it wasn’t you. I would—I can go crazy.

AMY: I will say, Hobie’s a very rough influence in terms of food, because he, as a man, he can eat a whole lot more than me. So I think I was just trying to pace him or something, but we could throw back. Let me tell you.

So, we've had to change how we spend our time because it was very much focused around food, we realized. So we definitely do things different. Every week I do an exception meal—this is just part of my weight-loss journey—where I'll go out and eat whatever I want. We tend to choose a cheese platter. That's our thing.

HOBIE: Yeah. For sure.

AMY: Yeah. Cheese, meat, bread, wine. I drink, Hobie doesn't, but delicious. And so that tends to be one of our favorites. But how about, like, do you think I'm showing up different. First of all, you're way more hands-y than you've ever been.

HOBIE: Yeah, I definitely would say that I'm chasing you around the house a lot more, because you used to wear stuff that was just comfortable. And now you're always wearing these little yoga pants, and you’re kind of strutting it out there a little bit.

AMY: I’m feeling myself a little bit. Hobie’s always been very affectionate, so I’m very lucky that when I was heavier, he didn’t treat me any different, although he is more hands-y now. And it’s probably—would you say—it’s probably because I’m like putting it out there a little bit more?

HOBIE: Yeah. Heck, yeah. The chase is on.

AMY: So that makes it a lot of fun. And he's always complimenting me, always telling me that I'm doing well. So that's really fun.

HOBIE: But it’s been fun to me because it's also been, you've tried to do something on your own accord, because I've told you from day one that you're stunning, you're beautiful, and there's nothing about you that I don't love.

AMY: Spoken like a true husband.

HOBIE: But that true, though. I’ve never lied about that. But watching you figure out a way to do it that's sustainable has been exciting, too, because you would show up with some crazy—you're doing shots three times a day of shark pee from China.

AMY: Okay, he is lying. Tell them you’re lying. That sounds crazy.

HOBIE: It’s kind of lying. Some of it was like that.

AMY: I’m sure I’ve done crazy diets that’s not shark pee.

HOBIE: There was some pretty insane stuff that was never going to be sustainable.

AMY: I’m pretty sure he’s talking about when I decided we're going to do cleanses. Those are his favorite. In the past, I tried to get Hobie to come on board with me, so we would do these cleanses and these green drinks, and he's looking at me like, “I'm going to kill you.”

HOBIE: They were horrific.

AMY; They were pretty horrible. But that was a big lesson I learned. With this weight-loss journey that I've been on, and it's been over a year now, I feel very confident, and I'm not done losing weight, but I feel confident that I can sustain it. I didn't take you along. I didn't ask you to change your diet or to even support me or anything, I just did my own thing and let you be you and do your own thing.

HOBIE: Yeah. And it’s impacted me. It's caused me to eat better and want to exercise more. I mean, it's been really healthy for both of our lives.

AMY: It has.

Hobie: But it is the first time that you haven't asked me to come along.

AMY: Yeah. And that was big. I just had to do it for me and stop worrying about what Hobie’s doing and what he's eating. And so when the boys are sitting at the table, eating burgers and fries, which they do sometimes, I sometimes want to rip their face off, but I don't tell them that. And I just think about what my coach Corinne says about, like, let them do their thing. You do your thing; they do their thing. They're entitled to do whatever they want. And that has been a huge lesson for me.

HOBIE: Amy has come to love wrestling season for Cade.

AMY: Oh my gosh. So, yes. We didn't even mention Cade. There's some questions in here we'll talk about. So Cade is my stepson. He came in my life when he was four years old, and he became a wrestler a few years ago.

HOBIE: Yes. As a freshman, he started wrestling.

AMY: And Hobie has always been a wrestler. Hobie’s from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania—well, a little outside of Pittsburgh—Ligonier. He reminds me of where he’s from.

HOBIE: That’s good. That’s good.

AMY: And since he was five years old, he's wrestled. And so he's like, “Cade can't start wrestling as a freshman in high school.” You were very much against that.

HOBIE:  I was scared. That seemed like a really late start. But anyway, he’s loved it, and he’s embraced it, and Amy now gets to see it for the first time. And during wrestling season, a lot of the time, you’re cutting weight, so I can’t have snacks here for both of my family. And it was good because I got used to it. And anyone who's familiar with wrestling, that starts Thanksgiving and doesn't end until midway through March. And if it's a really good season, they'll go to the end of March, and then you have other tournaments and stuff. So, anyway, it is one time that we're all insanely healthy for five, four months straight of just all of us trying to support one another. So that was kind of fun this year, especially.

AMY: So fun. So, some of you are asking about Cade, my stepson. And like I said, he's seventeen. He just went to prom. That was really fun. How’d you feel about that?

HOBIE: It was emotional.

AMY: It was—Hobie’s becoming super sappy in his old age.

HOBIE: Soft. I’m getting so soft.

AMY: Really, really, truly. And so with that, he went to prom, and he looked adorable. That was really fun. He took a girl that she’s a beach volleyball player, which is popular here in Carlsbad. And so we really liked her. We think this is a good thing.

HOBIE: Yeah, a super-nice girl.

AMY: Yeah. And in addition to that, Cade is starting to look at colleges, and we have him in S.A.T. tutoring and—

HOBIE: He’s got all these AP-class tests that he just finished up. He’s a very hard working kid, and he’s always put a lot of pride in his schoolwork. So he takes the max AP amount of classes. And anyone who has kids that’s taking AP courses knows there’s also a test you have to take after the course is over—well, towards the end of the course. It’s a lot of stress.

AMY: Yeah. So, that’s what’s kind of going on with us in terms of Cade. And I think his number-one choice, if he had it his way, he'd go to M.I.T.

HOBIE: Stanford.

AMY: Oh, okay. I'm sorry. That's Stanford, first. M.I.T. Now, these are really big schools, but here's the deal, the way we approach it: shoot high. Like, heck, yeah, we're not going to play small. If you want to go to these schools, we know what it takes. And he's got to get his S.A.T. scores up, and he's got to do some extra things, and we've told him this. And so if he wants to do it, great. We're going to support it 100 percent.

HOBIE: Yeah, if your aiming huge, how could you come down wrong?

AMY: Right. Like, we’re going to land somewhere really good. So it's an exciting time with college and all that. So that's the Cade thing.

Okay. So I'm looking over the questions. One of the questions is: How did you and Hobie meet? And I won't make you all listen to that one again, because we definitely got into that one. Hobie has a funny look on his face. It's not your favorite story.

HOBIE: It's not, but there's a story for everything.

AMY: There's a story for everything. I think it's a great story of how we met. I will tell you right now it includes Hobie's ex-wife, Traci. We talk about this in the other episode. I will definitely link you to that one. But someone asked: How did you propose?

HOBIE: Yeah. That one kind of got really messed up.

AMY: It wasn’t super romantic.

HOBIE: No. It just got messed up.

AMY: And it’s my fault, so just admit it.

HOBIE: Yeah, Amy messed it up. I’m just going to call it.

AMY: Yeah, he’s totally right.

HOBIE: I went to where her father lived in Arizona, spoke to him directly, asked for his blessing. Then, I went to her mom and asked her for her blessing. I had all this stuff set up. She’d picked out a couple rings but wasn't sure exactly which ring it was going to be. I had this idea. But Amy was also leaving for, I think it was Australia. So Amy was about to leave for two weeks.

AMY: I was still working for Tony Robbins. It was a work event.

HOBIE: Yeah. And she was going to be gone, and I couldn't get the plans to come together before she left. Well, I found out the night before she left, she really wanted to go to Australia with that ring. And she was pretty persistent on trying to find out when I was going to do it. And I already had everybody's permission, and I gave in, and I got down on my knee in our living room. So I wish that there had been something more romantic, more exciting, but we’re in the middle of watching some TV show when I got down on a knee, and I'm like, “Okay, fine. Then it’s going to be—“

AMY: I wanted that ring bad. I wanted—this is so girly—I wanted to go to my business trip in Australia where I'd be gone for weeks, and I wanted a ring. I knew it was coming. We had talked about it. I just didn't know when it was coming or how it was coming. I didn't tell you to propose or anything.

HOBIE: No, no.

AMY: But he kind of got the hint that I wanted it bad. So I just wanted to be engaged when I got on that plane.

HOBIE: Yeah. So I had to cancel the flagship, the air balloon, all this stuff that I had planned—

AMY: Liar. He is a liar. He did not have anything planned yet.

HOBIE: —the skyrockets going off over San Diego.

AMY: Okay, you did do something super crazy when I was in Australia, though. We had gotten engaged, and when I came back…

HOBIE: Yeah. By the time she came back, I had my own ring already.

AMY: So he got—being a firefighter, they typically don’t wear rings, and so he literally got the ring tattooed when we were engaged. We had been engaged two weeks. I come home and he has a tattooed wedding band. I wasn’t mad about it. So, it was all good.

Of course, to this day, he still has it, and if you look closely, there is an “A.” There is an “A” tattooed into that ring, but you got to look closely. I think it’s super sexy.

Okay, so, to wrap things up, Mr. Hobie Porterfield—

HOBIE: Okay, lay it on me.

AMY: —one of the questions I thought was really fun, and we're both going to do it. So what's one thing that is pretty frustrating or annoying about me, because, don't worry we've got a flip side. You're going to tell everyone what you love about me. What's one thing that's kind of annoying or frustrating or just drives you nutso?

HOBIE: Wow, that's—

AMY: I know one of them. This is a silly one.

HOBIE: Well, you tell me what you think it is.

AMY: I think it’s that I leave mugs all over the house, and I don't put my stuff in the dishwasher.

HOBIE: Yeah, that’s a—that definitely—yeah, that’s pretty good, love.

AMY: It does. It bothers you, huh.

HOBIE: It’s good, yeah.

AMY: A little OCD, maybe?

HOBIE: My OCD’ll kick in. Yeah, I would definitely—I can be gone for twenty-four hours, and when I come back, there’s six different coffee mugs, and she’s by herself. So she uses a different mug for each cup of coffee and a different mug for each cup of tea, even though it’s the same coffee and the same tea.

AMY: Only the best, only the best. And during launches, it’s out of control, right?

HOBIE: Yeah, yeah. Because you’ll leave it upstairs, in places like someone’s going to bring it downstairs.

AMY: Yeah, it’s bad. I don't know who my butler is that’s going to bring it downstairs, but I think—

HOBIE: That’s a quality problem that I have.

AMY: Right? I mean, not the worst. Don't get too crazy or sappy here, but what's one thing that you love about me?

HOBIE: The way we talk. To me, it’s—I don’t know many people that have as open a conversation as we have about just about everything, whether it’s emotion or not emotion. And I think that it’s—I like that you think we have to talk about everything, and then I get to be the pause-before-I-speak person, and that’s really fun for me.

AMY: And it’s so true. When Hobie and I met—I have Italian running through my blood, and when we met, when we would get in an argument or something—

HOBIE: It comes out.

AMY: I am dynamic. Like, “Come on.” And I want it. I want that passion. Like, “Come one, let’s get into it.” And he’s like, “ Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is going on here?”

HOBIE: I am way too calculated to throw something out that I can’t take back.

AMY: He’s true. Hobie’s done a lot of work on himself, a lot, a lot of work. And one thing I love—so I'll tell you what I love about you—is that, one, he’s the funniest guy on the face of the earth. I think he's hysterical, but that's spoken like a true wife, right? Like, I think that you're the funniest guy in the world. But also, Hobie thinks before he talks, and I don't always do that. And so when we're in an argument or if things are a little awkward between us, I'll just blurt stuff out that I can't take back. He will never. And I do love that about you, because I think it saves so much heartache, and I can learn from that.

HOBIE: Yeah. But that, again, I like that you say that it took a lot of work to get to that, because I usually was the opposite of that through the first twenty-seven years of my life.

AMY: I bet. I bet it definitely did take some work. I always tease—this is so off-topic—but I never thought I’d marry a man that had been divorced and had a kid. Like, that was never something—I’m like, “I’m going to marry a divorced man with a four-year-old.” However, I always feel like I was the smartest girl in the world to marry someone who had been divorced, because I know that you will do anything for our marriage. You've gone through heartache, and you show up in a way that I'm so lucky that you make us a priority. And when things don't work out the first time, you're probably more invested to say, “This is working.”

HOBIE: You can fail once and blame it on someone else or try to shift blame to someone else, but if you fail twice, there’s something wrong with you.

AMY: Okay, that’s your opinion.

HOBIE: Oh, yeah. That’s my opinion.

AMY: Some people are listening. They’re, like, heartbroken over that, but, so, anyway. That’s what I love. I didn’t say what drives me crazy about you.

HOBIE: Yeah, what drives you crazy about me?

AMY; I know. I’m actually really—I’m sure there’s tons of stuff.

HOBIE: Is it the way my jeans fit? Does that make you—does it drive you crazy?

AMY: Okay, no. That’s not what I was going to say, although—okay, no. I was not going to go there. But let's see here. When does he drive me nuts? Okay. So this is what it is: Hobie will look me straight in the face, and I will tell him something—and Cade does this to me as well. Ten minutes later, he cannot repeat a word I said. Am I right, or am I right?

HOBIE: Yeah, but you’re taking it out of context.

AMY: No, it’s kind of—no, so this is it. “Hobie, I need you to go to the grocery store, and I need you to pick up unsalted butter and Chameleon Cold-Brew for my Bulletproof coffee. And I need the collagen that’s in the green bottle.” There we go.

HOBIE: Yeah, that comes after you said twenty other things.

AMY: No, he is lying, you guys. It’s just like he looks at me and he's like, “Okay,” and then he gets to the grocery store, and he calls. He's like, “What did you want?” Like, are you kidding me? Write it down or whatever. But he doesn’t. So, this is one thing that we just have to laugh at it because you do it all the time.

HOBIE: You just have to text it.

AMY: Okay. He’ll have a million excuses. But he looks at me like he’s totally listening.

HOBIE: I’m listening right now.

AMY: Now with Cade I’ll say, “Repeat what I just said.” A seventeen-year-old boy, it’s going in one ear and out the other. Oh my god, I sound like my father.

HOBIE: You do, you do.

AMY: My father says that all the time.

HOBIE: It’s scary. I’m sitting across from J.B. right now.

AMY: Okay, don’t even say that.

Guys, thank you so much. This was an indulgent episode; that’s what I would call it. Hobie and I get to talk about ourselves and our love and our communication.

HOBIE: The easiest topic ever.

AMY: Right? Like, this is good stuff for us, but I know it might not be riveting for you. So thank you for coming on this journey with us, coming behind the scenes with me. My goal is to share more than just the business, and I hope it was a little bit fun and you got to kind of see what we're like and also, hopefully, you take away a few things that maybe you could use in your relationships.

HOBIE: Communicate, communicate, communicate.

AMY: Oh, okay. All right. Just adding a little to the end. Well, you’ve heard it from Mr. Hobie Porterfield. Hobie, I love you dearly. I feel like the luckiest wife in the world. Thank you for being on this journey with me for ten years. Here’s to many, many more.

HOBIE: I’m the lucky one. Thank you.

AMY: All right, guys. We’re going to go and make out or something now. I don’t know.

HOBIE: Yeah. I’m going to chase you around the house.

AMY: All right, all right. Have a great day, guys.


AMY: Thanks, again. See you same time, same place next week. Bye for now.

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