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AMY PORTERFIELD: Well, hey, there. Amy Porterfield here. And welcome to a bonus episode of the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast. Today, we're going to talk about a type of detoxing that doesn't include kale, green juice, or cayenne pepper and honey. The kind of detoxing we're going to be talking about today is all about detoxing for your dreams and goals and ridding your life of anything that's holding you back from accomplishing them.
My guest today, Teneshia Jackson Warner, has interviewed and studied tons of business moguls and celebrities. You may have heard of a few: Shark Tank’s Daymond John, Magic Johnson, Rent the Runway founder Jennifer Fleiss, and Me Too Movement founder Tarana Burke. And she's connected with them to learn about their failures and their successes when it comes to pushing their limits and stretching to achieve their goals. So today she's going to help you detox your life to make your dreams a reality.
Now, Teneshia is the author of the brand new book, The Big Stretch: 90 Days to Expand Your Dreams, Crush Your Goals, and Create Your Own Success. This episode comes at such a great time, talking about the big stretch and getting out of your comfort zone, because Marie Forleo’s signature program, B-School—the “B” standing for business—is gearing up to open enrollment.
And when I think about my journey leaving corporate, now almost eleven years ago, my first big stretch to go after my dreams was leaving my corporate job and going out into the big unknown of building an online business. And one of the first things I did is I enrolled in B-School. So I think about my time and way back when, which feels like a lifetime ago, and I was confused. I didn't know what I was doing. I was so uncomfortable every single day. And I remember just diving into B-School and studying everything I could about my messaging and my branding and list building and finding my audience and everything that would help me build my foundation for my business.
So B-School really forced me to step outside of my comfort zone and start playing a bigger game. And if I'm being totally honest, it's a big part of why I have the business I have today. It was a really crucial action item, not just taking the leap into becoming an entrepreneur, but saying, I want to put some money down and learn how to do it. And I was uncomfortable. I didn't even tell anybody that I was spending the money to work with Marie. I just kind of put my head down and got to work because I wanted my dream to be a reality so freaking bad. I wanted it.
And so when you hear Teneshia talk about getting uncomfortable—and in fact, she says if you could move beyond the discomfort of letting go of what's familiar, there's greatness waiting for you. And she's going to get into getting uncomfortable and stop doing the things that are holding you back and detoxing from stuff that literally is derailing you. When you hear her talk about this, pay close attention and think about what your life looks like right now. What are some things you might need to detox? She's going to talk about dream bullies. Oh my gosh, so good. So I can’t wait to get into all of it.
Whether you're just starting out and you want to get clear on what big thing you want to do in this world, or maybe you've been clear about it for a while and you're just trying to get it ramped upped and make it go or grow it and get it bigger, or maybe you're somewhere in between, this episode is going to give you insight into a few things that might be holding you back from taking that next step or moving forward in whatever way you need. So dream bullies and dream detoxing, that's what we're talking about. That's what Teneshia is going to talk about today. And she's going to get really clear and honest with you about how you're spending your time, what you're doing, what it looks like, and where things might be holding you back. Are you ready for a little tough love? Are you ready to get clear on those dream bullies and how to dream detox? Let's get to it.
Well, hey, there. Welcome to the show, Teneshia. I’m so glad you’re here.
TENESHIA JACKSON WARNER: Thank you so much for having me on, Amy. I am thrilled to speak with you and speak with your community, so thank you.
AMY: Well, we’re thrilled to have you here. And I think one of the biggest reasons I'm most excited to have you on the show is because you left your secure, full-time, cushy job to follow your dream. And I know that many of my listeners are in a similar situation where they have a dream to create a thriving online business, but they have some fears around stepping away from security. And I just know that your story and the practices in your book, The Big Stretch, are going to help my audience start to build that confidence to start playing a bigger game, and as you say, going from where they are and where they dream to be. So before we dive into what the big stretch is all about, can you talk to me about your journey?
TENESHIA: Absolutely. I've been on a dream journey now for sixteen years. And when I say a dream journey, by that I mean a journey when I was courageous enough to actually follow my passion, follow my curiosity, and follow my purpose. Prior to that, I was working at IBM Global Services—I landed a really good opportunity after college—and I was there for about five years, and I was climbing the corporate ladder, and things were seemingly great on the outside, Amy. But when I was really truthful with myself, I had one major problem, and that is I was not fulfilled, I was not passionate about what I was doing, and I really had an aha when I was working on my masters. And that aha was working up a corporate ladder and earning potential being my main driver, I realized that that was not enough for me. And it was in that moment that I decided I want to determine, what am I passionate about? What's my purpose? And I knew inside of making that decision to sort of leave with purpose instead of earning potential, I knew it was going to take me some courage to leave that comfortable job. And that was really the beginning of my stretch sixteen years ago.
AMY: Ah, so good. And I really hope my listeners are really listening, which I know they are, because this story of yours is relatable, and it's inspiring because those who are where you used to be and are looking to really make their dream a reality, there’s so many questions, so many unknowns, so many scary things that can happen along the way. And that's why I want to dive into this idea of the stretch and, really, how it came to be, what it looks like. Can you give me a little bit more about that concept?
TENESHIA: Yes. Well, my definition of the stretch is really the expansion that will be necessary for you to meet the best version of yourself. It’s the distance between your comfort zone and your dream. It's a destination on the other side of fear. And so it's something that I actually had to do for myself as I started to walk a dream journey. Leaving that corporate job, that was really the beginning of my stretch. And when I say stretch, I was stretching outside of my comfort zone of what I knew—a secure, paying job; comfort in knowing what I was doing on a day-to-day basis at my job—and then sort of venturing out into the unknown. I didn't have the terminology stretch at the time, but, really, that was truly the beginning of my stretch.
Over the years, I've had a chance to interview hundreds of iconic dreamers, like Magic Johnson; Jennifer Fleiss, the founder of Rent the Runway; Tarana Burke, the founder of the Me Too Movement. And if there is one universal truth that I found among interviewing all of these dreamers, that universal truth is all of them, at some point in their journey, actually said yes to the stretch, and they were willing to sort of venture out into the unknown, beyond their comfort zone, expand themselves towards the direction of their dream. And that direction is always on the other side of the comfort zone. So that's a little bit around how the “stretch” in the name came about.
But in terms of the material in the book, I would say the material came from two places. Again, one, my dream journey myself, when I left IBM and I stretched. What I didn't know is on the other side of that stretch, I would meet a successful entrepreneur. I ended up growing a thriving multicultural marketing firm that's based in New York and really took an idea from an idea concept to a thriving multi-million-dollar marketing practice.
In addition to my own dream journey, again, I founded the Dream Project in hopes of inspiring other dreamers across the nation. And inside of founding the Dream Project, again, I got a chance to speak with other dreamers because we would invite iconic entrepreneurs and professionals in to share their stories. And it was sort of that aha, listening to their stories over and over, that I said, “You know what? Every single one of these dreamers, there's something that they have in common with each other, they have in common with me, and that's this notion of stretching.” And so that sort of was the premise behind writing the book. My goal was if I could sort of distill a blueprint, a dreamer’s blueprint, to support other dreamers in launching their ideas or living the lives that they imagined in a way that’s very, very action oriented, and taking it from concept into reality, that was my desire. And I was able to use my story and the dreamers’ story from the Dream Project and create what is now The Big Stretch that's out in the world.
AMY: And so exciting. And inside of The Big Stretch, you really have an easy-to-follow, step-by-step boot camp that you take people through. And it's twelve weeks, which I love a good timeline. I feel like twelve weeks is really doable. And you make it intentional and consistent so that people are literally taking action. And one really cool thing about this process you take people through is that I think it's easy to digest step by step, and it's a realistic amount of time to actually move the needle forward. And so the whole goal here—just so to make sure my listeners really get it—you're taking someone from, “I really want something. I've got this dream. I have this passion. I want to see what I’m made of,” all the way through the process to actually stretching themselves enough so that they make this dream a reality.
TENESHIA: Absolutely. A twelve-week process, ninety days, which is a quarter, if you think about sort of in terms of business. And the goal is each week, the reader, not only are you reading stories that are applicable to the lesson that we're dealing with in that week, you're reading stories, you're hearing from other dreamers, but then you actually have exercises to work on your dream. And so it's very goal and action oriented so that you're working to achieve traction towards that goal week after week after week. And throughout that entire process, if you follow it, at the end of the twelve-week process, you will have gained traction towards that dream.
Now, depending upon what the dream is, I can't say that you're going to fully realize it. But what I will say is you will have actually started the process to kick start, jump start, and you would be on your way. You would definitely have a blueprint, an action, behind you where you can see results, which, oftentimes, that's exactly what we need is some proven results in traction to keep going forward.
AMY: Yes. Give us that confidence. Like, wait a second; this is working. I can do this. I can keep moving forward. Okay, I'm all about it.
Now, one thing I love is that you talk about the five different types of dreamers, and you have an exercise to help identify which dreamer you are in the book. So, guys, I want you to grab this book, and I want you to find out what kind of dreamer you are because I think it really allows you to move forward in the right direction. So can you talk to us, just briefly—can you tell us these five different types of dreamers and what they're all about?
TENESHIA: Absolutely. And Amy, I’ll tell you what’s sort of behind me creating these dreamer types. What I found at the Dream Project, when we would have individuals attend this conference, sometimes individuals would feel pressure to almost follow the path of another dreamer or follow the path that someone expected of them. And after speaking with many dreamers, your dream is as unique as you are. And so just because your friend is an entrepreneur, that doesn't necessarily mean that the entrepreneur path is going to be exactly right for you, or vice versa. Perhaps your friend is sort of climbing the corporate ladder, and you're trying to figure out, why is it that you can't gain success climbing your corporate ladder? Well, maybe that's not the destination or journey that's right for you. So this exercise is all around self-exploring, and the goal is to help you find out more about yourself—what were you taught about dreaming? What are the types of work environments that you enjoy?—to sort of help you determine what path may be right for you as you're getting ready to declare and outline your dream starting this book.
So there are five different types. One is called a careerpreneur dreamer, and a careerpreneur is actually an individual that enjoys working in structure. They actually thrive in corporate environments. They thrive inside of organizations. However, something that's important is they need to be able to leave their mark within the organization. So they really need to be able to connect the dots between their purpose and their profession. So perhaps it’s a creative writer, and a writer that's working at an agency. Well, this person potentially could find a way to connect their creative purpose of writing but also writing inside of an agency. So that's sort of the profile of a careerpreneur: individuals that want to work inside of structure, but they need to map purpose and profession.
Another one is a make-it-happen dreamer. And, Amy, I mean, I want you to think about, you know a person that has never worked for anyone a day in their lives, or if they did, they got fired shortly after.
AMY: I do know. I do know of someone like that, yes.
TENESHIA: So make-it-happen dreamers often feel confined by traditional jobs. They feel stifled by rules and routines. And these are the dreamers that really need time, space, and flexibility to create their dreams on their own terms. These usually are entrepreneurs, and they have a high tolerance for risk. By that, they’re willing to stomach the highs and lows that come with entrepreneurship. So that is a make-it–happen dreamer. A make–it-happen dreamer that I talk a bit about in the book is Sean “P. Diddy” Combs. If you think about all of the enterprises that he's built, a majority of them have been some type of entrepreneurial venture.
And then there is a dreamer type called a hobby dreamer. And so for a hobby dreamer, this is the individual that's sort of known outside of their nine to five for something. So perhaps they are known for their love of fitness, their love of travel, and they enjoy their hobbies outside of work, and they want to explore their hobbies more. But they do not want to put the pressure on their hobby to take care of them and/or their family.
So, I have a good friend that is a hobby dreamer that I profiled in the book. She was working at an investment firm, making really good money, and had no desire to put the pressure of her hobby to take care of her. However, she loved fitness. She loved travel. So she started this Instagram account called No Special Occasions, and now she’s a sought-after influencer. She's actually monetizing this hobby. Brands are paying her. So that's a hobby dreamer.
And for individuals that's working in structure, you can kind of think about if you’re a hobby dreamer if there's something that you're really passionate about that's not connected to your job but you would love to explore, maybe monetizing that passion.
And then the other dreamer is a CEO dreamer. And so a CEO dreamer is someone that has worked within corporate structure and/or potentially they are working now within a corporate structure, but they know that at some point in their career journey, they want to test the waters of entrepreneurship one day. They want to know, do I have what it takes to actually take all of the key learnings and do it for myself one day?
And then the last dreamer type is an activist dreamer. And so an activist dreamer is someone that will see a problem in the world, they will see an injustice, and it's not enough for them to just see it; they feel called to do something about it. And inside of the book, the activist dreamer that I interviewed was Tarana Burke, founder of Me Too Movement. And of course, we know how the Me Too Movement has sort of globally impacted the world. But in speaking with Tarana, Tarana told me, from the point that she was a child, if she saw any type of injustice, she would go home and say, “We got to do something about it.” So usually activist dreamers are working for nonprofits. They’re movement starters, really disruptors. And for them, the joy is about making some type of impact and change in the world and impacting and changing the world for the better.
So those are the five different dreamer types. And Amy, I hope your listeners, as you listen, maybe you heard one and/or two that you identify with. Amy, I'd be curious to know, which one are you just from listening to that?
AMY: Well, I'm a little bit unsure because I'm assuming the CEO dreamer. But here I am, for the last eleven years now, I've had my own business. And so that's very much my path, and I know it's my path. But of course, I have bigger dreams to grow the business, make a bigger impact, and expand my message to a bigger message, a message that makes a bigger impact in general. So with that, would you say that was the CEO dreamer?
TENESHIA: Well, prior to starting this, did you work a career in a corporate structure?
AMY: I did. I did.
TENESHIA: Yes, I would definitely say you are a CEO dreamer, then.
AMY: Got it.
TENESHIA: A CEO dreamer that’s now growing your enterprise, and you’ve taken your skill set that you got from your corporate structure, and now you’re building your own enterprise.
AMY: Perfect. Okay, so, after interviewing all these dreamers, do you find that one type of dreamer is the most common?
TENESHIA: Amy, you know what? No. We now have a quiz, and your listeners can actually take that quiz. Thebigstretchbook.com
AMY: Thebigstretchbook.com. Okay, cool.
TENESHIA: And you’re invited to go there, take the quiz, and then determine what type of dreamer type you are. And what we’re finding is there's not one single dreamer type that’s sort of dominating all of the others. Individuals really are kind of ranking across the board. So I've received emails saying, “oh my god, I knew I was a make-it–happen dreamer,” or “I'm a hobby dreamer.” “I'm an activist dreamer.” So across the board, I would say it's a bit of a mix. And then some individuals say, “You know what? I identified with two types of dreamers.” And there's really not a wrong or right answer. Again, it's really about self-discovery for you. And once you determine which one you identify with, there are some sort of key learnings that I give you about environment types that I think you would thrive in based on your dreamer type.
AMY: Gotcha, okay.
All right, so, you also talk about dream detoxing. And I've been dying to talk about this topic with you because I think it's really, really important for my listeners. And you go into detail about how to prepare for dream detoxing, which I love, because that's an essential part of this journey. So can you talk to my audience about what is dream detoxing, and then, how do you prepare for something like that?
TENESHIA: So a dream detox is really about the preparation phase for getting your mind, body, and spirit right to bring your dream to reality. So once you have this big idea and you're really, really serious about it, you have to make sure that you are prepared to bring that dream to life. And oftentimes, our current environment, our current mindset, it may not be the mindset that will set you up for success in bringing that dream to life. And so what I do inside of the book is actually have the reader start to examine mind, body, and spirit.
So from a spirit perspective, again, that's really you dwelling with yourself to say, do you have the right beliefs that will support you in bringing this dream to life? Do you believe that you are capable? Do you believe you are enough? Do you need to strengthen your spiritual practices inside of doing this? Do you believe that perhaps this dream is even tied to a higher purpose of what you're supposed to be carrying out on Earth? And so I encourage the reader to explore those type of questions so that they are connected internally. Why are you doing this, is this your authentic truth, and what are the beliefs that you need to adopt mentally to make sure that you’re ready to thrive and to have this dream go forward? So that’s a little bit about spirit.
For me, when I started my overall dream journey, I was intentional to sort of build my spirit-based muscles, and that was the reading of different spiritual practices and different books. It was very important for me to be connected to, this dream is bigger than me, and perhaps this is tied to my destiny of why I am here on Earth. And I know that may seem a bit woo–woo–woo. However, it really has kept me grounded in the dream journey for the long term.
And then mentally. Mentally, it's all about you examining, are you taking in material that is giving you the knowledge to do this dream, that's supporting you in being positive enough to think that you're ready to do this, and/or examine your sources of information. So for me, I was a big—and I’m going to date myself here. I used to be a big Sex and the City watcher.
AMY: Uh, me, too, girl. Yes.
TENESHIA: My mom thought it was just weird. Like, you know every scene. How can you watch this all over again?
AMY: Oh, I’ve heard it, too.
TENESHIA: Well, when it was really time for me to start getting serious about my dream, I couldn't afford to binge-watch hours and hours and hours of my favorite show. I could actually be replacing that with good content. Now, for the listeners, if you are listening to Amy, that's already a good practice. That means you're feeding yourself with content that's around bettering yourself. So I also have the reader sort of examine what's going in your mind, and you need to be intentional that you're feeding yourself information that’s, again, pushing you forward. I have them examine their team members that are in their life. Do you know who your dream champions are in your network? And I identify a dream champion as someone who's going to reflect back to you the best of who you're becoming. And you know when you're in the presence of a dream champion because you walk away thinking, “You know what? I think I can do this. I actually think I might be able to pull this off.” You want to be able to be in the presence of champions that leave you feeling that the possibility is real.
And then there is something that I call a dream bully. A dream bully—
AMY: Ooh, yeah. Tell me about this.
TENESHIA: So a dream bully, it’s someone that doesn’t reflect back to you that potential. It's someone that will show you every excuse as to why you can't accomplish this dream. It's someone that when you leave their presence, you almost feel a little bit defeated, or you feel that perhaps this isn't for me. And you have to pay attention to, is the individual that I'm sharing the vision with, are they reflecting back to me possibility, and/or are they reflecting back to me that this isn't possible? And when you pay attention to that, you can almost start to put in categories, you are a dream champion; you're a neutral; you are a dream bully.
And oftentimes, when you hear the word bully, you think it's someone who intentionally has sort of ill intent for you, right? That’s not always the case. Sometimes your dream bullies are your family, and they don't even realize it. So for me, my best friend, Amy, in the entire world is my grandmother. Love her every day. However, she is the biggest dream bully on Earth.
AMY: What?!
TENESHIA: Absolutely. Let me explain. So when I start to venture out of my comfort zone, she's automatically protective, and she wants to make sure that I do not put myself in danger, I do not do anything that will ultimately harm me. So her advice is really from this protective mode of, “You know what? If I were you, I would stay on this really, really good job. I’ve never had a job like that in my life. You're making more money than I could have ever imagined. Just work the good, good, good job.” So, again, she's giving me advice from her experience, and she's giving me advice to protect me from harm's way. Well, if you are embracing this lifestyle of the stretch, that means you're constantly venturing beyond your comfort zone. And so sometimes your loved ones will kind of come in this protective mode, not wanting you to harm yourself. Or maybe when you disrupt your comfort zone, you start disrupting their comfort zone. Like, why are you doing it this way? This is the way that our family has always done it. And so you start seeing dream bullies rear their head, and sometimes these bullies are the people that are close to you. And that was something very hard for me to deal with, and I had to create a new relationship with my grandmother. So I still talk to her every day, she's still my best friend, but she is not the place where I share my vision and dreams, and she hasn’t been for fifteen years.
AMY: Oh, so good. This reminds me of my mom, who I equally love so very much and talk to her every day. And when my business started to become successful, I realized she started to worry about me a lot. So I would talk about wanting to make a big purchase, whether it be for the business or personal or whatever, and she'd say, “You're making so much money, but, god, you pay so much in taxes,” and “Do you really have the money to do this?” And she was just fearful all the time. And I stopped talking to her about money because it made me worry. Like, wait, maybe she's right. Maybe she's onto something. She didn't know my business; she was just loving me, and that was her way to love me. But we have to be selective on what we share with certain people, no matter how much we love them.
TENESHIA: Absolutely, absolutely.
AMY: Yeah. So I’m with you there.
But you also talk about dream supporters and dream circle. So I could guess the dream supporters are, I'm assuming, your biggest cheerleaders, the ones that are, like, “Yes, go for it. Do more.”?
TENESHIA: Yes. Those are the dream champions that I mentioned.
AMY: Oh, dream champions, okay.
TENESHIA: Yes. And it's very important that, especially if you're at the beginning of the year right now and you are declaring some really big dreams for your life, it's very important that you have some accountability partners over this year. It's a big year. It’s 2020, right, Amy?
AMY: Yep.
TENESHIA: And so you want to know, who are the champions that will be with you every step of the way? And again, the champions will actually have you believe that you can do this, and so that's who you want in your dream-supporter circle.
AMY: Yes. I have about three friends I could think of off the top of my head. They're the ones that are texting me, cheering me on during launches, pushing me to make bigger goals for myself. So those friends are—there's not tons of them, but they get me. And they tend to be in my industry, so they get what a launch feels like; they get when the webinar doesn't do well, what that's all about. So they really understand me, so they tend to—when they do cheer me on, I trust them because they get it.
Okay, so, I’m also really excited about the different exercises and action items that you have people go through, because when I teach anything about online marketing, it's all about taking action, doing the exercises, trying out the strategies. And I don't want you to give them all away, because, you know, my listeners need to grab your book; they're going to love it. But are you cool if maybe we just choose one?
TENESHIA: Absolutely.
AMY: Okay, cool. You have one about the time-audit exercise, and you have another one about identifying your dream bullies, which I feel like we talked about bullies well. I don't know, maybe the time-audit one or maybe a different exercise, but it’d be fun if you took us through a little exercise.
TENESHIA: All right. Well, this time audit is actually inside of the dream detox, and that's where basically, listeners, again, you heard me say I was a huge watcher of all things Sex and the City. Obviously, I couldn't spend eight hours a day watching Sex and the City and working towards my dream, right? So this time audit, I essentially have you, for one week, log everything that you do. And there is a worksheet in the book that you can use and/or you can download it from thebigstretchbook.com. And I mean, I have you log everything: your eating time; when you are commuting to work; when you go to work; how much time you’re spending on social media; how much time are you spending watching TV, reality TV, Netflix; binge watching; and really, just everything that you’re doing. And the first week that you do this, you're doing this with no judgment.
And once you have all of that information outlined, there are a list of questions. But then I actually have you kind of think through a few questions. So after we logging that time, I have you observe your time audit. And these are some of the things that I want you to ponder: What changes can you make that might lead to greater productivity? So perhaps there are certain things that you're doing that you can maybe automate. Are there products or services that you can delegate to someone else to save you more time?
And when I say maybe there are certain things that you can do that you can automate, so for me, I have this routine where I will go out to Whole Foods and then I go out to Costco. And when I’m doing it, you know what, Amy? I'm like, “I hate this. I hate this.” And then one day my husband is like, “Why don't you just use one of these grocery delivery services and save yourself about five hours on Sunday?” And at first, I was a bit skeptical, like, will they really know what I want? But once I tried a few of them, I bought myself about five hours back on Sunday evening of going out to the various grocery store, and I would actually have my food be delivered. Again, that's just one example. But there's so many things that you could potentially automate in your life.
Another thing. Are there areas where you can elevate and delegate? And so inside of that, is there something that you can get one of your team members to help you with? Is there something that you could potentially get your children to help you with? Everything that's on your current workload is taking up your time. Do you have to be the one that's doing it? Perhaps in this season, you need to have a family meeting and say, “You know what? I'm really going to be laser focused at the beginning of 2020, working towards my dream. Here are some areas, if you do this each week, it will buy me back eight hours back in my week that I can work towards my dream.” Can you name some of the activities that you could spend less time doing? Or there's some things in that particular season while you're trying to really launch this dream that you can eliminate all together for a while, and then use that time to repurpose it towards your dream. And what in your day can you designate time to work only on your dream?
And so, I did this exercise before with a friend. And once she looked at everything that she had to do for her family, her kids, her job, she narrowed it down to one hour a day that she could have for herself. And it was really, really late at night, too. But she blocked that hour, and she said, “This is going to be my hour, Teneshia, that I'm going to work on my exercises with you, and I'm going to work toward this particular dream.” For her, she was actually writing a book, and she used that one hour every day to write. And eventually she finished that book, published that book, and it's out in the world. But if she didn't do the time audit to determine, where can I get my time back to work towards this dream, even if it's no more than an hour, if she didn't do the time audit, how would she have the time to start working towards it?
So that's the ultimate goal from the time-audit exercise. It's observing what you do, and then it's getting really smart about reallocating the time in ways to get you the greatest productivity and get you time back to work towards this personal goal that you said you wanted to achieve in 2020.
AMY: I think so many of my listeners are going to find that valuable. I think we all have that time suck, where we get into something and we think, “This is not the best use of my time.” So auditing where we're spending our time and then getting very intentional about how we are using our time in a better way to reach those big, bold goals that we've set for ourself, I mean, there's nothing better than that.
I cannot thank you enough for coming on the show. I'm so excited that I got to know you. I'm very excited about your book. So, first of all, thank you so very much.
TENESHIA: Thank you. Amy, this was wonderful. I hope I didn’t talk your head off.
AMY: Oh, I love talking about reaching big goals. It's so fantastic. Guys, the book is called The Big Stretch. You could go to thebigstretchbook.com, and it's all about going and turning your dreams into reality in ninety days or less. It's the proven program you need to achieve lifelong success, and I'm very excited for you to check it out.
So, congratulations on the book, and thanks, again, for being here.
TENESHIA: Thank you. And to all of your readers, I am so thrilled that you are starting 2020 off with Amy, so you can't go wrong. And I'm thilled that she is featuring this in the beginning of the year. So this is the perfect, perfect time.
AMY: So fun.
TENESHIA: Think about what you want to do, and let's move it forward.
AMY: Let’s do this. Thanks, again.
TENESHIA: Thank you.
AMY: All right. So there you have it. I hope that you have started to think about areas in your life that you want to detox in order to reach those big, bold dreams that you've set for yourself. And also, I love the conversation around the dream bullies, because before I ever talked with Teneshia, I didn't know that a dream bully could be someone that you love deeply and you talk to often and you want them to be part of your life, but they're just not going to get to be a part of your life that has to do with you reaching toward your goal and you getting uncomfortable and you getting unreasonable and making things happen because you believe in it so much. Sometimes you have to be selective about who you talk to and what you talk to them about. And I thought that was the biggest lesson that I took from this chat with Teneshia. I thought she really shed some light on the relationships we have and what those look like. So, hopefully, you can identify any dream bullies in your life, and be very careful with the conversations you have with them, but you don't need to push them out of your life completely.
And also, if you don't yet have a dream champion, get one. And you want to know the best way to get a dream champion? Become one yourself. Over the last few years, I've wanted to have better friendships with those around me. And if I look at the friends that I have today, I have a few really, really close ones. I'm an introvert, so having two to three really, really close friends is just fine by me. I don't need ten, twenty really close friends. And when I think about my friendship with them, I think about the fact that I pour into those relationships just as much as they pour into me. And I don't know who was first, who was the champion first, and it doesn't even matter. And that's the thing. Don't keep score. It's not tit for tat. But instead, it is definitely all about you showing up as the kind of friend you want in your life. And I really do think that makes a difference. But if the friendship’s not serving you, then you have every right to say, “Ah, this is not for me. This doesn't feel good. This is not the direction I want to go.”
So you know we had a conversation about boundaries recently, right? if you listen to the past episode. And we talked about saying no when something wasn't going to work for you. And when it comes to the dream bullies and the dream champions, you can have boundaries around those people as well. And when it's working for you, pour all in, go all in. And when it's not, you have every right to say, “This is not working for me.”
So I think those are some of the biggest lessons I took from this conversation, and I am really going to remember that. And also, of course, anything I need to detox on my way to reach my goal, I'm here for it. And I'll say detoxing is not easy. There are things that we do that is so hard to stop those habits and so easy just to indulge in them. So I think picking up this book, really understanding this concept of dream detoxing, identifying the areas you need to detox, and really getting into the exercises in this book. If you're chasing a big dream and if you're struggling to get there, grab this book. I really do think it could get you on the fast track to where you want to go.
All right, guys. I hope you enjoyed this extra-special bonus episode. And if you never want to miss an episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast. Click that button Subscribe, so you know every time we have a new episode coming out, whether it be regularly scheduled or a bonus one like this one. And the great thing about bonus episodes is that you get to hear from me in just a few days again. Hopefully, you think that's a good thing. So I'll see you, or at least I'll chat with you, again soon. Bye for now.
