AMY PORTERFIELD: “There's feelings we all want to feel. Like, if I say, ‘I want tons of media,’ well, actually, I just want to feel really important and like I'm making a difference in this world. So you can feel important and make a difference in this world in many ways, and you don't have to be featured on Forbes, right? So going deeper, I think, allows us to have more clarity on what really will drive us forward.”
INTRO: I’m Amy Porterfield, ex-corporate girl turned CEO of a multi-seven-figure business. But it wasn't all that long ago that I lacked the confidence, the budget, and the time to focus on growing my small-but-mighty business. Fast forward past many failed attempts and lessons learned, and you'll see the business I have today, one that changes lives and gives me more freedom than I ever thought possible, one that used to only exist as a daydream. I created the Online Marketing Made Easy podcast to give you simple, actionable, step-by-step strategies to help you do the same. If you're an ambitious entrepreneur, or one in the making, who's looking to create a business that makes an impact and a life you love, you're in the right place, friend. Let's get started.
AMY: So, I have a little homework for you. I want you to head to your favorite podcast-listening platform; search for the podcast Success Story, hosted by Scott D. Clary; and start listening. Success Story is a new podcast obsession for me; and it features Q&A sessions with successful business leaders; keynote presentations; and conversations on sales, marketing, business, and entrepreneurship. Scott recently spoke with a guest about the importance of socially conscious entrepreneurship, and I love that conversation. This is such an important topic right now, so be sure to check out that specific episode, for sure. You can listen to Success Story wherever you get your podcasts.
Well, hey, there, friend. Welcome back to Online Marketing Made Easy. I hope you are having a wonderful day. And today I want to talk to you about something that you most likely struggle with if you're human. If you've got a heartbeat, then I think this episode is going to resonate with you. But especially if you're an entrepreneur, a budding entrepreneur, business owner, I want to talk to you about comparing yourself to other entrepreneurs.
Let me just start by saying that this episode is not about how you shouldn't compare yourself to others, because let's be real. We all do it, especially when we're scrolling through social media. Can I get an amen? But what I’m going to talk about today is that little tinge of jealousy or envy that you may feel when you compare yourself to someone else, and how you can use it to get closer to achieving what you want. So that's what we're going to talk about today.
All right. So, thirteen years into my business, you better believe that I've had my fair share of jealous moments. But what I found is that after stewing in my own jealousy—I’m ashamed to admit it, but it's true—I'm left with a jealousy hangover. And laugh all you want. That is a real thing. And I started to wonder, “Is this all really worth it? Is putting my precious energy and time towards these feelings of jealousy that don't serve me what I really want to be doing when I know I have a bigger mission in this world?” And holy heck, it didn't take me long to realize what a waste it was and how it was a low-level activity that was only keeping me stuck.
So here’s what I’ve come up with, and I hope it will serve you as well. If you're feeling jealous or envious of another entrepreneur, another online-business owner, ask yourself, “What is it that they have that I want?” What is it that they have that I want? By shining a light on it a little differently, you can use those envious feelings in a much more productive way.
I was recently in a text group that was led by one of my friends, Mel Robbins, and we had to do different exercises for sixty-three days. And one of the exercises was to write five things that you want, every single day. So every single day, for sixty-three days, we were to write down five things that we want. It could be in your business, in your personal life, or in the world in general. And it was so much harder than I thought it would be.
Basically, I would sit down and think, what do I want in my business, and what do I want in my personal life, and what do I want for my family and friends? And I would think about it, and I found myself either writing the same thing every day and then asking myself, “Well, do I really want that?” and I just kind of started to second guess myself. Like, what do you want? is such a great question, and it's not always incredibly easy to articulate.
And so I recently was online, and I was scrolling through, and someone I don't even know—she's a total big shot—did something amazing online, and I felt that little tinge of envy, like, I wish I could do that. And I was like, boom, there's something here that I want. And so if you're able to tap into that envy or jealousy or whatever word you want to use—I'm not using those words like in a really negative way, just a feeling we have, right?—if you can tap into that and then ask yourself, “Okay. What is it about this situation right here that I want a piece of it?” you'll get more clarity on what you really want.
And it's not enough just to say you want it. You need to get crystal clear on why you want it. Because sometimes when you're clear about your why, like, why you want something, you actually might uncover something you want that you weren't even aware of.
So here's an example. Say you see somebody online and they're getting tons of media. They're on the Today show, they're in Forbes, they're on Entrepreneur, and you're like, “Oh, I'm so jealous. Why do they get all this media attention? How come I don't get it?” In that moment, you could ask yourself, “What do they have that I want?” Like, remember that question. If you have a Post-it Note near you, just write it down real fast. What do they have that I want? And then you could answer that question with this example, like, “I want to get that kind of media attention,” or “I want to be out there in a big way.” Great. Then ask yourself, “Well, why do I want that?”
Then, if you do some journaling around that—because I've been talking about journaling a lot on the podcast. Ten minutes a day, that's all you got to do—you're probably going to uncover some insecurities, maybe some fears, maybe some challenges that you need to address. Like, maybe you're not feeling like you're getting the kind of respect you deserve online; or maybe you feel like you're working so hard and you have nothing to show for it, which is probably not true, but that's just the thought you have; or maybe you feel like you get passed up all the time. So addressing some of these deep-seated feelings actually gives you immense clarity. Instead of weighing you down and you're walking everywhere kind of feeling like you're not getting the shots you deserve, or you're feeling like everyone else is getting them, you can address it and start uncovering some solutions or just clarity around them. Because when I think about, like, “What do you want?” there is—I do remind myself, like, there's feelings we all want to feel. Like, if I say, “I want tons of media,” well, actually, I just want to feel really important and like I'm making a difference in this world. So you can feel important and make a difference in this world in many ways, and you don't have to be featured on Forbes, right? So going deeper, I think, allows us to have more clarity on what really will drive us forward.
And here's the good news: if you really do the work on those insecurities and fears that might be coming up—and I mean actually put pen to paper and journal and allow yourself to answer the hard questions—the next time you see somebody online and feel jealousy over what they're doing, it will be easier to cheer them on and say, “I want that, too. You're a great example of getting what you want, and you're proof that it's possible. Thanks for the inspiration.” Like, you could think those feelings and wish them well. Dare I say it, you'll have even more excitement for their accomplishment because they're showing you what's possible. If it can happen to them, it can happen to you. I firmly believe that. Why not you, right?
I have a girlfriend who just landed a big media deal with her book. And I called Cho, my sidekick, who's working with me on my marketing plan for my book, to tell her that so-and-so landed this big media deal. And I said, “I'm so excited for her, and I'm excited for us because it proves that it can happen and that it's possible. And if it can happen for her, it can happen for us.” I've done the work, so I know I can say that with genuine excitement for somebody else.
Years ago, I couldn’t do that. And quite honestly, and years ago, I wouldn’t have wished her well; I would have just went into a spiral of why I’m not good enough. Why is she getting that and I’m not? Well, first of all, I haven’t even tried to get big media yet for my book. I'm not even at that phase. But second of all, that spiral of why not me? never will serve you. So it's worth it to do the work so you're starting to wish other people well, but also—and not in a fake way, like, genuine—but you can even be selfish. Like, I wish you well because if you prove you can do this, then I can do it, too.
So, I feel like that's where we need to get to when we compare ourselves to others. But it definitely will take some inner work to get there.
So here's a challenge for you. The next time you feel bad, you feel jealous, you feel envious toward another entrepreneur, I want you to stop and just notice it. We're not in the business of judging ourselves, right? Just stop and notice it. We so often get jealous without even realizing that we're doing it. Like, it's almost second nature. So I want you to call yourself out in that moment and remember it's okay to feel those feelings.
The next part is to turn that jealousy into something productive. So in the Notes app of your phone or in your journal, write down that thought or whatever it may be. Nobody's looking, except you, so don't soften it. Just write it down. What are you jealous about? Write it in the most rawest, most truthful form, and then, you’re going to start asking yourself those questions we talked about: what do they have that I want? Why do I want that? What will it bring me? How will it make me feel? What are some small steps I can take to get there? Then, start taking action on some of those steps. And the next time you see that same entrepreneur on social media or TV just killing it, you'll instead look at them as living proof of what is possible.
Now, some of you look at what I've accomplished and you're like, “That's so cool, and she's done big things, and she has this multi-million-dollar business and this team and this podcast,” and whatever, whatever you might think. You might not think anything, but for those of you who thought that. And I want to tell you that it feels like yesterday when I was just starting out, and it feels as though it happened so quickly, even though it really didn't. But why I am saying this is that I promise you I was not extra special. I promise you that I didn't have something like a leg up. Absolutely. And I felt fear and doubt and just anxiety for so much of those early years when you just don't know what you don't know, right? So if you are just starting out and you look at someone with a big platform or doing big things, I promise you, they started out right at the bottom—most people do—at the beginning. Zero followers, zero audience, zero platform. So if they can do it, if I can do it, so can you. And I mean that with every fiber of my being. Why not you?
All right. I hope you loved this Shorty episode. It was on my heart, it was something I wanted to share with you, and just to remind us we're all in this together, and you've got this, my friend.
If you have a friend that is building their business online and becoming an entrepreneur, they might need to hear this episode as well. If you'd be so kind to share it with somebody, I'd greatly appreciate it.
And here's the thing: if you have a minute right now, will you leave me a review on this podcast? It would mean the world to me. And reviews allow us to see what you love and what you want more of. So if you've never left a review for Online Marketing Made Easy and you have five minutes to do so, will you pop on over just to Apple Podcasts and leave me a review, or anywhere you want to leave a review, on any platform you use for podcasts? I would greatly appreciate it.
All right, my friend. I hope you have a wonderful day. I'm going to see you Thursday for more entrepreneurial goodness, same time, same place. Bye for now.
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